Having a Fight with Your Significant Other?

Having a fight with your significant other is never fun.  You both are practically yelling to the mountains high and the valleys low about who’s wrong and who’s right.  What does it matter?  You’re both adults, and chances are, you’re both wrong and you’re both right.  However, at some point, one of you has to stop playing the victim and admit your wrongs in hopes of making things right. 

No one likes to be told they’re wrong about anything that they feel strongly about.  Unfortunately, in relationships, self-evaluation is a must.  When you stand accused of something, step back and examine what you may have done to make the other person feel and think the way they do.  If you’re mature enough, try asking the person what it is that you have done, and be genuinely receptive to what they are saying.  Observe their body language.  If they are throwing their hands all over the place with their eyes to the sky, thats a sign of aggravation.  Clearly, your significant other is aggravated by your behavior.  Show signs that you are listening to them with an occasional nod of your head or by making direct eye contact with them.  Maybe place your hand on theirs if the disagreement isn’t too heated.

After hearing them out, ask if you may be excused for some quiet time to think about what they have said.  Go for a walk or a short drive.  Explain to them that you aren’t trying to avoid the issue, you simply need time to self-evaluate so that you can come to a compromise.  If your significant other objects to this or shows signs of having a problem with it, then that is a sure sign that their are more issues that they aren’t talking about, like their own insecurities, for example.  If this is the case, simply go into another room, or, if you’re out and about, suggest going to a movie.  Choose a movie that you don’t care about, but they do.  That way, they’ll be occupied and it’ll be easy for you to tune everything out and tune into your thoughts.  I know it sounds a bit harsh, but hey…most of the time, it works.

If you find yourself having to repeat this process on a frequent basis and your significant other is always taking the victim stance, then it may be time for you to share your methods with them and suggest they self-evaluate themselves.  If they become offended with the idea, then maybe they aren’t ready for a mature, responsible relationship.  A new issue has now surfaced and you’re going to have to tell yourself, honestly, whether or not you feel you and your significant other should even be together.  Make a list of all the good things about your lover on a sheet of paper.  The next day, take that same sheet of paper and make a list of all the bad things about your lover on the back side.  If the bad outweighs the good, well…if may be time to say goodbye.  Allow your significant other one more chance to self-evaluate themselves.  If they refuse once more and turn the issues in the relationship back on to you, it’s time to say goodbye.

On a happier note, if they choose to self-evalute, chances are, the relationship is headed in a very positive direction.  Although the disagreements will not stop (you are both human and no one is perfect), you will notice that they will become easier to deal with and will happen less often, leaving more room for loving and less room for silent treatments.