Helping a Friend in Distress

Real Friendship is not measured by how many times you are there for each other when you’re on top of the world and nothing is going wrong. Rather, true friendship is tested in instances when you feel down and every move you make seems to lead a wrong turn. For a genuine friend is the one who comes in when everyone else has literally gone out.

Without a doubt, there are moments when you are compelled to help a friend in distress. Helping a friend though has its guiding principles when you’d like to reach out and offer your assistance. You can’t just barge into a friend’s life and start untangling the web of problems that he or she is confronted with. You can’t seize a friend’s territory and treat it as your own. At the very least, you have to ask permission. You have to ask yourself does my friend really need help? Or am I just being an overeager savior of an empty cause? Prudence is still the better part of valor.

Before you extend a helping hand, determine first if your friend needs one. Then ascertain if you’re only willing to listen or you are ready to go all out should the need arise. Finally, know if you pay attention to your friend’s emotions instead of his or her existing problem. These three outlines of conduct are what you have to be aware of if you aim to save your friend from whatever is bugging him or her.

Let your friends think for themselves

Your friend can think for himself/herself so beware of being so fast in giving unsolicited advice. Your friend may feel offended if you suddenly offer explanations and interpretations without being asked. For example, don’t step in and say that Mr. A is better than Mr. B because of this and that without any factual basis just when your buddy is having a hard time choosing between her two suitors. She might misconstrue your gesture as an act of meddling in her affairs and it could lead to a break up in your otherwise healthy relationship. No matter how noble your purpose may be in sharing your thoughts, you have to be conscious of the timing of your advice. Wait until she asks for it herself. If she stays mum about the matter, don’t open up the subject.

Be careful not to invite heavy emotional release

When a friend asks you to come to his/her aid, be there. They may need someone who can listen attentively and compassionately to their story. They may want a trusted friend to confess their current plight. Through it all, pay attention to what he/she is saying. Look at them straight in the eyes and make them feel comfortable. However, don’t give them reason to unleash a heavy emotional outpour unless you’re ready to handle it. Some people are plain good listeners but become disoriented when the person they’re listening to shifts gear from being mellow to being excessively dramatic. Encourage pure revelations from your friend but don’t make the mistake of saying, “have a good cry if that will make you feel better” unless you’re prepared to sit through the tears.