Alright boys I hear you scoff, yes I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking that ‘boys don’t suffer from PMS’.  Let’s review this statement shall we.  If man lives with woman, and 85% of all women report suffering some form of PMS each and every month, man does not move out of home for a week or two every cycle,  so man must also suffer PMS.

Mens’ symptoms

1. Unable to drive directly home from work.  Instead man needs to detour, bottle shop, Mc Donalds, Chemist.
2. Enters house with dread and trepidation, not recognised at other times.
3. Children are flung in his direction when he enters the door.
4. Daggers are thrown from across the room, followed by tears and a hasty retreat of his wife to the bathroom.
5. Blown ear drums from slamming doors
6. Injured body parts for night time thrusting of knees and elbows from wife.
7. Undermined confidence at have been called a useless w@#$%r B#$%&*rd throughout the night.
8. Hypothermia from lack of doona throughout the night.
9. Distended bladder for deciding not to let wife know he his awake and going to the toilet throughout the night
10. Crick in his neck from being busted and having to sleep on the couch.

A Woman’s Symptoms

1. Loneliness for a husband who is never home.
2. Fear she hears her husband’s car in the drive long before he enters the door.  Whats he doing?  Is he talking to his girlfriend?  Watching porn on his phone?  Talking to his friends about how fat and hideous his wife is compared to the new girl in accounts! What if it’s not her?  What is he is having an affair with Tracy her best friend?  Is that why she hasn’t returned her calls, is it Guilt?  So he’s not getting the house that two-faced slut is not sleeping under this roof, I will burn the bastard thing down first……………..
3. Desertion by her children for loving him more. 
4. Betrayal when she looks at her husband.
5. Strained shoulder from slamming doors.
6. Jarred knee from thrusting it into husband’s groin, while sleeping, not on purpose, completely by accident.  Tiny bruise on elbow where she stuck his head.
7. Guilt, feeling she is being unfair to husband.  Why?
8. Heat exhaustion from being smothered with doona all night.
9. Sleep disturbance from husband squirming all night.
10. Puffy eyes and dehydration from crying all night long after being forsaken by husband who would rather sleep on the catch dreaming of her best friend than spend another minute with his hat hideous wife..

Thankfully in most cases it will be over in a couple of days and life can return to normal.  Boys should take note, there is not much you can to improve the situation anything that you do will likely be seen as admission of guilt, so flowers are out.  Chocolates will only prove that you think she is a hideous fat beast that needs to be placated, being too attentive will get you clobbered, avoiding home will arouse suspicion to a degree not covered by this article and please for your own sake don’t say ‘I understand honey, its your time of the month’.  You don’t understand, she knows your lying and that this ‘time’ confuses the hell out of you.  Stay and do as you always do, except don’t leave your wet towels on the bathroom floor or drink milk out of the carton.