When people first begin to test each other for friendship, there is an honest, heartfelt excitement. The excitement leads to a need to know as much as possible about this person. The need to know leads to an openness that allows honest questions and honest bonding. The questions and bonding leads to more time spent together. The time spent together leads to freedom of speech and an honest sharing of the soul.

Simple compliments and criticisms

Inevitably, this freedom of speech and sharing of the soul will lead to a need for honesty in other areas. This honesty begins as simple compliments. Simple compliments include notice of the way someone dresses, the ease of communication, and maybe even the perfume or cologne worn. Usually, the honesty will begin to allow for very small criticisms. Small criticisms include whether or not the new friend likes or dislikes something about the other person. The small criticisms may also include whether or not a certain food or certain place is approved. The honesty then leads to possibly a critique of other friends or family members.

Slowly the true self evolves

As the honesty becomes more brave and courageous, so does the true self of the people involved in this new friendship. Each person begins to see what really makes this other person tick and what is appealing or unappealing about their new friend. The true self that may have at first been hiding behind the excitement and blindness associated with wanting a new friend will eventually come to light. The walls begin to come down and the true self begins to poke a toe in the untested waters of the friendship. As the true self evolves, so does the ability to become hurt.

Then it happens

Once the true self begins to evolve, the honesty factor begins to either become a little more fragile or a little stronger and admired. Unfortunately, the honesty can make or break a relationship. As your true self gains confidence in the new relationship, the inevitable is bound to happen. Feelings become hurt, misunderstandings occur, and then it happens. Your friend begins to avoid phone calls, emails, or pretends to be unavailable. The honesty has created a void in the evolving friendship. The honesty that was so craved and welcomed is now a potential enemy.

Keeping it real

Honesty is meant to keep a relationship real. It is meant to be a barrier breaker, something that keeps the bond strong from admiration and necessity. However, this very honesty that is given an open door can also have the door opened to another path. The path to keeping it real now becomes the path to letting it go. Honesty in a relationship of any kind is supposed to be a vital part of the relationship for it to be open and thriving.

The clincher

The clincher in the friendship killer is often the very thing the person demands who decides they have had enough. The honesty that was welcome has clinched the end of the walk with this newest adventure. People often simply cannot handle the truth. They ask for what they cannot handle… the truth becomes the unbearable. The honesty has now created the often bitter or at least sad end.

My opinion

My opinion… well, at the risk of sounding arrogant it is my article, so I’m entitled to my opinion is that the world has become a front. Image is everything and is superficial. People very often will say they want your honesty, but when it is given, they quickly become shocked that you feel such a way. To be their friend, honesty takes on a different meaning. It means you are allowed to say whatever you want as long as you agree with that person who is asking. It is, of course, a generality unfair to some who truly are innocent and sincere souls.

My opinion is that honesty has to have its boundaries. It takes practice to learn just how much honesty is truly safe. It takes practice to learn when it is best to avoid the truth, like when someone asks, “Do I look fat in this dress?” If you must be honest in a case such as this, you really have to be careful with your constructive criticism. Honesty has its boundaries just like everything else. If someone asks for your honesty, you must then decide how much you want to keep this person as a friend before you answer. Some things really are better left unsaid. I am by no means, an advocate of lying, but if you wish to be totally honest at all times you must be willing to accept the consequences. Sometimes the consequences might just mean losing the friendship.