How I Live With Her: It’s Been Almost 20 Years

I love my wife with all my heart and  have been happily married for almost 20 years. Most of our child’s friends come from separated families. I find it encouraging to be able to give a comical view on marriage even though, divorce is nothing to joke about. Hopefully a few of these comical points may help someone. I forgot to tell you; this is only from a man’s point of view. The wife may or may not be happy, but all we need is a smile.

This information is in no way intended to be counseling.

1. Be a “yes man”. Say yes and say it a lot. Example: “Yes dear, I’ll be happy to take out the trash”…. Even if it means, I will miss the kick-off. Complain only, while you’re outside at the dumpster, alone.
2. Tell your wife that you love her every day. Even call her on her lunch break to tell her, and every night before you go to bed.  I understand you’ve been together for a while and she should know this already, but do it anyway.
3. Buy her flowers but do not develop a routine (that get’s old). Send her anything but roses. Roses just confirm that you may want something in return in the evening. Just don’t pick the flowers she planted in the front yard while you were fishing last Spring.
4. Listens to her when she comes home from work. Even if it all sounds foreign to you. I listen everyday, even though I might not know what she is talking about, and a smile to let her know you understand doesn’t work anymore. Now we have to shake our head in agreement!
5. I just tried the shaking head thing. It doesn’t work anymore..its’ old school as well. Time to move on. Now you have to ask questions.
6. Every man knows the wife is right. Even when she is wrong. Come on guys, you want to eat and stuff, don’t you?
7. Pick up your clothes. At one point in  time my clothes stayed on a chair next to my bed until I came home from work one day during my first year of marriage and was greeted by Mr. Levis and the Fruit of the Loom guys on the front lawn.
8. Ensure her that everything you do is for her. I can give no examples because I’ve given up all hobbies.
9. You have to cry while you watch chick flicks. Tip: During the movie just go to the kitchen to fix her another drink and put in eye drops. The kind that burns. Salt works, but maybe a little harsh on the eyes.
10. Buying gifts: Never buy things she needs like pots and pans. Buy her things she can have fun with and forget the jewelry unless it’s a carat or more. The “Rocky” series is not a good idea unless she loves boxing; but even in that case I would still think long and hard about it. 

If you should attempt these pointers at home; I will swear you didn’t get them from me.