How Marriage Expectations Change Over Time

by Allen Teal in Relationships, August 6, 2009

How marriages change and what people expect to receive from the changes their marriage endures.

People marry expecting to stay in love forever. Changes come to a marriage that many misinterpret as falling out of love. If the expectations in marriage did not change over the years, all marriages would fail. The expectations change in both what is expected when entering the marriage and what is expected as the marriage continues. In the first case, the expectations change with each generation of people who choose to tie the knot. In the second case, as people mature and families grow, expectations change to meet the changing circumstances. Both are natural and should be anticipated.

Expectations change in what is expected from a marriage prior to saying the vows.

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Especially in young people, the defining characteristics of their generation affect how marriage is viewed as an institution. After World War II, people who married did so to establish a family. It was expected that the vows would be honored for a lifetime. In many cases, the wife was expected to run the day to day operation of the house and provide child care. The husband would be the wage earner and handle the large financial decisions. Love was shown by performing your duty to the family.

Marriage expectations evolved during the 60’s and 70’s.

Those who got married during the Viet Nam era began to face the real chance that one bread winner was simply not enough to finance a family. Slowly, the traditional role of the wife began to mutate to part-time earner and full-time child and home care. With this change, many husbands began to pick up some of the wife’s chores to allow her more time to work. Child care and grocery shopping still tended to be her domain. Love became carrying your share of the financial load.

Changes from the 1980’s until the present.

Wage earning in most families is expected to be a shared effort. The spouse who earns the most tends to have the career priority fall to him or her. The wife no longer always follows the husbands lead on job relocations. The role of “Mr. Mom” is now a part of many households. Husbands and wives are equally likely to return to school to advance earning potential and job opportunities. Most wives expect the emotional and relational support to be available from their husbands. Marriages are more often viewed as a trial to see if it will work than a permanent life-long commitment although “until death do us part” is still included in most vows. Love is expected to be romance and sexual liberation.