How The Perfect Husband Pretends Not to Look at Other Women
Checking out a chick is like looking into the sun. You can’t just stop and stare.
Getting caught sucks. You know the scenario: You’re walking down the street arm in arm with your wife, wedding bands a-glimmer in the midday sun, and you get nabbed ogling some hot young chick in a belly shirt who is more likely to mistake you for Dennis Franz than join you for a steamy weekend in Barbados. Your wife thinks you’re an idiot, the hot chick thinks you’re, like, Mick Jiggers-old (and married!), and you’re literally left holding the bag as your wife drags you along for an afternoon of grudge shopping. Like I said, getting caught sucks. So don’t get caught.
The art of the covert gawk is just that, an art. I can offer a few strategies to better your chances of success, but keep in mind that each man brings his own special abilities to the table. So utilize these strategies to the extent that they work for you, but feel free to make alterations to suit your own unique tastes and talents. Regardless of your approach, remember that Jerry Seinfeld was correct: Checking out a chick is like looking into the sun. You can’t just stop and stare, you’ve got to get a quick peek and then look away fast.
By: xenia
You Gotta Wear Shades
Dark or mirrored sunglasses are obviously the traditional tools of the trade. They do present a few problems, though. First of all, the darker the shades, the less of a view you’re going to get. This is an issue for the peeping purist. Second, and more problematic, is that sunglasses can make you careless. You figure your glasses give you a free rein to scope out the scenery, and you forget that just before you noticed that fabulous babe you were carrying on a conversation with your wife. Suddenly, complete tunnel vision sets in and you go stone-cold silent. Only tripping over your tongue would be more obvious. And if you’re wearing mirrored glasses, remember that if the subject of your gaze can see herself, she knows you can, too. Glasses can provide some cover, but you’ve still got to put in the effort of pretending you’re not looking.
The Body Scan
You’re walking down the street with your wife, and you notice a fine young lady approaching. You can’t just drop everything and whip out the opera glasses. Realize that you’ll only get a quick glimpse, and that has to be enough. You want to get the best view possible without incurring the wrath of either woman. What you want to do is keep walking, looking down at the ground in front of you. If you’re talking with your wife, maintain a normal conversational cadence. As you sense the subject approaching, do a smooth, steady scan of her from toe to head. Don’t stop along the way to browse, or you’re dead meat. This move gives the impression of coincidence; you’re just raising your head to keep your eyes forward and avoid bumping into other pedestrians. If your eyes meet, just give a quick, friendly nod and then move your glance straight ahead. No harm, no foul.
The Ricochet
I don’t know about you, but as soon as I see someone worth getting a good, long look at, I immediately look for indirect lines of sight. If I’m driving, the passenger-side mirror is great for pedestrians. Downtown, use reflective shop windows to look back over your shoulder. The possibilities are limitless, so just be creative and utilize whatever resources are available.
The Tactical Retreat
If you do get caught, there are a few things you can do to mitigate the consequences. Realize that your wife probably notices different, less bodacious attributes of other women than you do. Tell your wife that you noticed the other woman’s earrings or eyebrows, or that you thought her blouse was a really interesting color. If it’s just too obvious what you were up to, if the other woman has enormous … uh … how can I say this delicately … hooters, say something like, “I think I know what she got for Christmas.” The only thing your wife thinks is more ridiculous than fake boobs and Daisy Dukes is your obsession with them. A good joke about them will make her think you’re not nearly as big a moron as you actually are.
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User Comments
Teves
On November 3, 2009 at 4:54 am
Most of the husband are not honest to their wife. They want to have sex with other sexy girls…Very nice sexy photo. Well done.
Themax
On November 3, 2009 at 4:58 am
Really good Husbands always faces troubles like this !!
Thanks very funny and nice article
paperchaser
On November 3, 2009 at 6:48 am
i don’t wanna be a perfect husband
that gal is smokin hot
CaSundara
On November 3, 2009 at 7:00 am
LOL- A hilarious read, I won’t, however, be showing to my partner….
ken bultman
On November 3, 2009 at 8:00 am
I never pretended not to look. That didn’t make me imperfect. When I touched…different story.
Christine Ramsay
On November 3, 2009 at 8:24 am
My hubby is quite open about his looking., but I know he is too old to do anything but look, so I pat him on the cheek and sympathise. A fun read.
Christine
K.Reshma
On November 3, 2009 at 9:42 am
Very interesting article, I love your articles. Please take time to read some of mine too.
whodoyouthink51
On November 3, 2009 at 10:51 am
HA HA Funny article but not Ture. I am married and i dont look at other women. If i do its not in lust or like the man described above. I have a EXTREME UNDERSTANDING of the word RESPECT and i fully intend on RESPECTING my wife. That means no looking, touching, flirting, or doing pretty much any thing that would upset my wife. Yes i am human and i do make mistakes but you know that not all men are the kind of person that just wants to get in your pants and cheat on his wife. (I have never cheated EVER and i never will)
John McDonnell
On November 3, 2009 at 11:10 am
Very funny but true. I have an article about this, called “Ten Lies That Men Tell To Women”. Men lie about this one all the time. If a hot girl walks by, men notice, no matter how much they deny it. It’s in our DNA, we can’t help it.
Jean Anne
On November 3, 2009 at 11:44 am
I find it amusing to watch my husband try to pretend he isn’t looking at hot women. It’s our nature to look, I know I do.
Vikram Chhabra
On November 3, 2009 at 11:55 am
I laughed while reading this. So much of what you mentioned comes very naturally to husbands like me…:)
alc
On November 3, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Great article! Thanks for the share!
sunshine926
On November 3, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Great article. It has its funny parts too. lol. Anyways, I am not sure why women make such a big deal about guys checking out other girls. I see this all the time. A couple walking by and either the girl starts grabbing him everywhere or just makes a detour so he doesn’t have to walk by you. Talk about stupidity. I have always wondered about those guys that are committed and don’t look at all. what’s wrong with them? are they gay? Just because you admire beauty doesn’t mean that you don’t love your partner.
tasha kazuki
On November 3, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Yeah. I guess it’s a normal thing men do. It’s in their nature to be easily stimulated visually. If it’s not too obvious, the it’s ok. Women visually check out men, too.
orlandoJP
On November 3, 2009 at 2:21 pm
best solution: dont get married
sihana
On November 3, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Excellent. You just hit them where it counts.
sXe Mare
On November 3, 2009 at 3:37 pm
That was really funny got 2 give iit 2 yu
livemike
On November 3, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Great article..I feel sorry for any husband who thinks he is being unfaithful by looking at a beautiful women.Its the most natural thing in the world to admire beauty.Wives should never feel threatened by this and openly talk about it…
Paul2KAD
On November 3, 2009 at 5:36 pm
My wife knows I look. As long as I don’t touch then she doesn’t mind. I think she’d be worried if I stopped looking!
Stickinthemud
On November 3, 2009 at 5:46 pm
This was indeed an interesting and amusing read. I must admit I check a lot of hotties too. The best method I’ve discovered so far is to be sure that no one will notice that I’m actually sneaking a peak, so I tend to wait until I’m just going around a bend, or between pillars, or am at an angle that seems to be deceptively covered. Oh well,… what can I say. I can’t help it. Most of the time, my wife doesn’t even notice. When she does, I do the same thing you mention here, I say something to her like, “Okay, that’s a little too much skin,” or, “Did you see that sign on her butt,” or “Can you say ‘ho-down’?”
Thanks for the funny read.
Zunairah
On November 3, 2009 at 5:56 pm
HAHAHA! That is one of the great articles i have ever read..My husband is going to like these tips a loT!
Adam Qualmann
On November 3, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Thanks for the read. Makes me remember how good my wife is to me. If I get caught looking at a girl she knows that I am going home with her. That and she will make a comment about the way the girl looks to. SO, that shows that I am not the only one checking a girl out. Now, if she starts talking to me or touches me or the other way around. That is grounds for punishment. I will talk to them because I love how my wife gets jealous, and that is worth the punishment. But, never, never, ever touch.
Valerie Curtiss
On November 3, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I prefer a man who looks, openly, not one who hides it, there is nothing wrong with looking, and a wife who cannot stand her husband to look at a HOT chick has a real problem!! Get real, men are men and men love HOT women!
Ruby Hawk
On November 3, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Men never admit it but all of them do it. Just let a sexy woman walk down the street and watch his eyes pop out.
sunshine926
On November 4, 2009 at 3:32 am
There is nothing wrong with admiring beauty. I am from Miami where the majority of women do all sorts of crazy psychotic stuff such as grab the guy, turn his face around and make him walk in another direction all so he doesn’t look at any other woman. everybody looks both men and women. nothing wrong with that unless you act on it.
Peoples Content
On November 4, 2009 at 5:44 am
What a great article! My husband looks. So do I. Just like men notice hot looking women, women notice hot looking men.
I prefer if my husband looks openly. Looking secretly means he has something to hide.
http://peoplescontent.com/
Lord Banks
On November 4, 2009 at 7:47 am
I see no problem with window shopping just dont go in the shop and buy something!!! good read.
Borneon
On November 4, 2009 at 8:29 am
Well, it’s ok. They can look but they can’t touch.
Aldrin A Wilding West
On November 4, 2009 at 8:51 am
What an absolutely fabulous article. Brilliantly written, and touching every nerve it should. Take that from an honest (most of the time (there, can’t get more honest than that)) man….
Thoroughly enjoyed this, as will everyone who reads it I suspect. Bravo! By the way, is that Jane as in James? You know us too well to really be a Jane, surely…..?
Gotta get my own plug in too after such generous comment, so maybe you’ll take a look at this piece, written from my very own admittedly sometimes one-track, but forgivably (?) animal and natural mind.
http://authspot.com/poetry/an-instinctual-look/
Wonderful article. Thank you.
Sharif Ishnin
On November 4, 2009 at 11:55 am
It all begins with one innocent look as they say. A little white lie. Men will always be men. But they are exceptional ones as well.;)
Zoey Raineri
On November 4, 2009 at 12:27 pm
If my better half never visually checked out a good piece of eye candy, I just might begin to doubt his sexuality. The fact is, looking is quite normal, and if my man is only looking, I’m cool with that. I’m secure enough to have faith and trust that he’s not pawing on every one. It’s human and it’s nature. I have to agree with People’s Content, as well as Aldrin in this matter.
mo hoyal
On November 4, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Deathmaul you are a rare find, kudos!
Jane, I really enjoyed this article, love your sense of humor and to also put this into a male perspective.
One day we drove up to the teller at my husband’s bank and the girl was a hot looking blonde-everything in the right place etc. She asked him how much he wanted (and he was getting $60.00), his mouth traveled to saying sex…….uh and then corrected himsel and said six-ty-talk about obvious! If we had husbands like deathmaul, we’d be a lot happier hopefully. No one is perfect but he comes close!
Enjoyed!
oldster
On November 4, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Women love to window shop and are predominantly nosey–Can’t men be too?–No problem be honest.
Athlyn Green
On November 4, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Well written article and although it was tongue in cheek, it underscores why some women decide against male partners–they believe they are simply too far down on the evolutionary scale and should be avoided whenever possible!
Nefertari69
On November 4, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Nothing wrong with a bit of window shopping!!!
Jamaicafest
On November 4, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Excellent advice that I will certainly take into consideration if I ever get married.
cebuanaeyez
On November 4, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Very funny! The title says it all. We all look (men and women alike) Except there are more good looking women than men =)
Judy Sheldon
On November 4, 2009 at 9:46 pm
I really liked your article. It points out the fine line between glancing and gaping. When a man is gawking at another woman while with his woman, she may wonder if he has complaints with her “equipment”, but if all is good at home why would he make a spectacle of himself? Glancing is normal, but we do need to understand that looks are deceiving. We are so much more than what is apparent.
Judy Sheldon
On November 4, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Your article was so good, it nearly caused me to be late for work. I tried to skim it real fast and leave a comment, but I had to read it. It was written so cleverly.
There is a big difference between glancing and gaping. If a man gapes it does make you wonder if he has complaints about your “equipment”. Men are so much more visual than we are. I once read where they did a study with men and had them look at photos of women before having sex. When they were told that they were having sex with the women they perceived as beautiful they enjoyed the sex much more than when they were told it was with the plainer subjects. The test subjects were switched but the visual had a large impact on their enjoyment.
Jane Benitez
On November 4, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Thanks Judy, that is a real honor for me to have you write such a nice comment. I agree men are much more visual and even after all these years my husband doesn’t miss a good looking woman. We have to love them – they don’t know how foolish they appear at times.
Mystify
On November 5, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Excellent article on an excellent subject! I give deathmaul an applaud if it is the truth becuase he is among the exceptional men,the rest are just human and sometimes can be laughed at for their idiotic ways where what is in their pants is a replacement their brains.I have to say women at least the ones I know looks as much as men do though.lol
This was avery enjoyable read!Good stuff! The title was an eye grabber!
Hollywood James
On November 7, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Great article. We all need to remember that looking is a two-way street. The reality is that men and women will ALWAYS find other people attractive whether they’re in a relationship or not…it’s called being human. If one or the other gets jealous or angry that’s an insecurity issue. It’s up to everyone to control their own behavior and maintain self-discipline and you can’t do that, then don’t be in a relationship.
Apres Ski
On November 8, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Valerie Curtiss . . . well said!
Apres Ski
On November 8, 2009 at 2:59 pm
And while the husband is checking out the HAWT bodies, the wife is checking out the HAWT bodes . . . on the guys!
ROTFOLOL!!
lillyrose
On November 9, 2009 at 10:09 am
I’d rather look at a beautiful horse or a athletic dog! does that make me wrong?
Great write, with some interesting helpful (for men) tips! and I just loved reading all the comments, they are an article in them selves!
Guy Hogan
On November 9, 2009 at 5:49 pm
So that’s why I’m still a bachelor. If I had only read this article years ago.
T.Rex McGoogle
On November 11, 2009 at 3:46 pm
A very insightful summation of the all American man. Looking, truly is a way to refresh a dull shopping trip. It should be his reward for going shopping, the most tiring activity a man must confront frequently. A very good write.
Lisa Clayton Williams
On November 15, 2009 at 11:57 am
Too funny!! This was great! LOVED the last line especially!!!
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