How to Beat Anger After the Divorce is Final
by Since anger is natural after a divorce, there is a need to learn how to deal with it. This article offers advice on what happens if you do not deal properly with the anger, and ways to overcome it.
After the divorce is final, the grieving over a failed marriage continues. Anger is a natural part of dealing with any loss. There always comes that time when your frustration at a situation that leaves you feeling helpless to fix reaches a peak. This frustration usually transforms into anger.
Anger is not a problem unless two things happen. It will be a problem if your anger is channeled into violent behavior. This is never good regardless of the cause of the anger. When anger erupts as violence, people get hurt, things get broken, and someone may get into trouble with the law. It is better to learn to deal with anger than to allow it to fuel aggressive violent behavior.
The second result of anger is that it settles in as a long-term guest in your life. It can take two possible forms if it does. The first thing that can happen with unresolved anger is that it drives a need for revenge. Some say that revenge is sweet. It is never satisfying. Revenge will only leave you with guilt and regret if you are functioning normally. Next, anger just settles in as gross unhappiness and bitterness at everything and everyone.
Bitterness can make you mean and difficult to get along with in every circumstance. You need to find a way to root out bitterness before it takes hold. The only real way to avoid bitterness is to deal with the anger and move on.
You have a choice with anger. You can let it rule over you, or you can take charge and decide that anger will not win. The first step is to realize that there are just some things in life that you cannot help. No matter what you would have done differently, the result would have probably been the same. Often, divorce falls into this category.
It might have been possible to head off the divorce years earlier. By the time you realize that divorce is imminent, there is little left to fix. Your energy to fix it is usually gone too. It just seems better to let go than to hang on. I am not a fan of divorce, but once the attorneys are called in, there is not much that can stop the process.
Since the divorce was not something you could completely control, being angry at the divorce or the ex-spouse is generally wasted energy. If you need to write a letter and vent, do it. Send it to your ex-spouse and forget it. Do not make threats. Just state the facts and your regrets. Mail it. Move on.
Get involved with charity work or a bowling league. Find something to eat up those extra hours that you will use to feel sorry for yourself and feed your anger. If you do not feed it, it will starve to death. Get more involved with your kids, or take a class. Anything that you can do to feel more alive is a good thing. For now, you are somewhat free. Take some risks and enjoy it.
Look for the positives about being single again. You have no one to really answer to other than your kids. If you become me outgoing and fun, they will be the benefactors, too. Do not worry about keeping up with your ex-spouse. Learn to be yourself. Build a life that includes your kids, but not your ex-spouse. It can be done, and it is worth the effort.
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