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How to Break Up with Your Lover Graciously

Learn how to make break ups as painless as possible. These great tips will help you end a relationship gracefully and graciously.

There is definitely some true to the old saying that “breaking up is hard to do.”

The actual act of breaking off a relationship is never a fun experience. In fact, it can be downright hellish. However, sometimes it is absolute necessary, cannot be avoided and should not be delayed.

How you should break up with a lover depends in large part on the status of the relationship as it nears its end. Your first concern should, of course, be your safety. Beyond that, how you proceed with a break up depends on whether you would like to remain friends with your future former lover, whether you expect to have frequent contact with him after the break up and whether you believe there is even a remote possibility that you may want to ever reconcile with this person in the future.

The decision to break up with someone is not one that should be taken lightly. Likewise, when breaking up with a lover you need to stay mindful of the fact that you are dealing with a real human being who has feelings, and it is imperative that you make the process as tactful and minimally painful as possible, and that you do it in a manner that allows your future ex to maintain their dignity. Chances are that you will someday be on the receiving end of a break up. Treat your ex the way you would want to be treated.

Break Up No-No’s

Do not break up with your spouse or lover via postal mail, email, fax, instant message, text message or courier. I cringe every time I read about a celebrity breaking up with their steady via Federal Express or text message. Don’t even think about having a friend (or anyone else) deliver the bad news for you. This is tacky, insensitive and inconsiderate. Muster the nerve to meet with the person you are breaking up with and do it face-to-face.

If you just cannot handle a face to face meeting, call the person on the telephone-landline please; you do not want your cell phone to drop a call at a time like this-and tell them as honestly and kindly as possible that you are unable to be in a relationship with them at this time.

If your need for catharsis or your desire to not communicate with your almost ex has you bound and determined to break up in writing, be careful what you write because the printed or electronic document you produce may come back to bite you some day. It could potentially end up as part of a police report, as evidence in court or even on the Internet.

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User Comments
  1. Alexa Gates

    On December 23, 2007 at 7:22 am

    Great tips!

  2. nour ak

    On May 18, 2008 at 3:21 am

    great advice
    but is doesnt say what to say i mean things are really hard…especially if the person ur braking up with is very much inlove. one more thing what if he cant let go and everytime u try and break up u get back together what do i do?

  3. Denise Dionne

    On December 6, 2008 at 11:30 pm

    Good Question, whats the answer?

  4. destahni

    On February 26, 2009 at 11:06 am

    like i love my boyfriend and he is cheating i did too i told him and i stopped we been together for two years wat should i do i just want him to know i love him and im not cheating

  5. Zeme

    On March 24, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    I am with this guy for 3 years and everything happen he bring up the past. i love him but i feel like giving up.

  6. :) smileeee

    On April 15, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    mm . my boyfriend is very clingy, i hate it. i don’t feel the same way about him as he does me . i want things to end so i can be with other guys. what is something i can say that is short and sweet and won’t break his heart ?

    HELPP pleaseee !!!

  7. vakabon

    On June 22, 2009 at 10:52 am

    i love a girl so much, extreme, i feel i made her fall in love with me. but she has been with and loving someone else 3 years before, i came to know her not not more than 2 month and madly in love with her and she also . i still love her more and more. first time in life it happened. but when i think wat am doing is not ok. coz the other guy does not anything about wat is actually happening, i feel am doing a sin, the other guy has done lots of things for the girl but i haven’t, except loving her. the problem is dnt know what the girl has in her mind she never decides with whom she will stay, just is just confused. but wht i know , am doing wrong, but seperating the guy from her, its very painful to break up with her, and i must break with that girl coz everytime reminding the other guy gives me pain, i accept defeat when too much emotions./ he is first guy loving and knowing the girl and am the second, 1st remains first. i hope i did well breaking up with her ,

  8. shopgirl!

    On July 8, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    I can’t believe that you are in the same predicament as myself! I fell in love with someone the first moment I saw her. She has been married for 26 years and has always been a good girl. It was a very low point in my life and she too was very sad. She is actually my landlord and so I know the whole family. It is idiotic to say but I love her family and do not want to hurt them. She did move out and lives in one of the apartments but can’t seem to make up her mind. The marriage commitment is what keeps her in it and I too cannot offer what her x has except love her unconditionally. I am so confused and in pain because I want to marry her and her as well. I tried pushing her away and left her so many times but can’t stand not being with her. Please tell me how it is with you? Is breaking up the only thing to do?

  9. anu

    On April 24, 2012 at 3:45 am

    i am in love since 2years but he feels bore so he left me.i want him back plz gine me suggestion.

  10. Jack

    On July 26, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    After being in relationship with my ex for seven years, she left me, i did everything possible to bring him back back but all was in vain. I want her back because of the love I have for her, I begged her with everything, I tried to entice her with money, made promises but she refused. I explained my problem to someone online and he suggested that I should rather mail a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring her back but I am the type that never believe in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, that was around 4:00pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all she said was that she was so sorry for everything that happened, that she wanted to return to me, that she love me so much. I was so happy and told her to come, she came to me the following day and we started living together again. Since then I have made a promise that everybody I know will never have a relationship problem that I will refer them to the spell caster t help them. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is ( ) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.

  11. Miss Georgina peckett

    On October 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    my name is Miss Georgina peckett, I’m from USA.
    I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is genuine and real.
    I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing Gilbert, I needed help and somewhere to turn badly. I found consultant.kalakuta spells and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. Several days later, my phone rang. Gilbert was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I loved and needed him. Spell Casting isn’t brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try it. It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be.” you can contact the spell caster on he’s very nice and great

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