How to Break Up with Your Lover Graciously
Learn how to make break ups as painless as possible. These great tips will help you end a relationship gracefully and graciously.
The only time I recommend not breaking up in person is when you have reason to believe that doing so could endanger you.
Breaking Up By Never Showing Up Again
If the person you are breaking up with is volatile, confrontational or abusive, it would probably be best for you to simply move on to a safe environment rather than officially ending the relationship-in other words, your soon to be ex will figure out that you have left him when he doesn’t ever see or hear from you again. Depending on the circumstances, this may be possible even if you share children. Your attorney, a legal aid clinic or an abused women’s organization should be able to advise you regarding this matter. If custody issues are involved, seek legal advice before just picking up and leaving.
How to Break Up Graciously
Try to make the experience as minimally unpleasant as possible.
Be honest but not overly forthright. The person you are breaking up with does not need to hear a play by play announcement of everything they did wrong in the relationship.
Try to avoid allocating blame. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter whose fault the breakup is. What matters is that you are able to put it behind you, heal and move forward with your life.
Do not break up on a holiday, your lover’s birthday or a day that was significant to you as a couple during your relationship (e.g. the anniversary of the day you started dating).
This should go without saying, but I will say it anyway: Do not behave as though you are gleeful about the breakup. It’s not necessary to fake tears, but you shouldn’t be turning cartwheels either.
Do not engage in an argument or participate in a shouting match with the person you are breaking up with. Their pain and anger is understandable, so, as long as their comments don’t escalate to verbal abuse, threats or physical violence, try to hear them out without retaliating. If at any point they become abusive (verbally or otherwise), remove yourself from the situation immediately.
If at all possible, try to end things on a positive note.
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Post CommentAlexa Gates
On December 23, 2007 at 7:22 am
Great tips!
nour ak
On May 18, 2008 at 3:21 am
great advice
but is doesnt say what to say i mean things are really hard…especially if the person ur braking up with is very much inlove. one more thing what if he cant let go and everytime u try and break up u get back together what do i do?
Denise Dionne
On December 6, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Good Question, whats the answer?
destahni
On February 26, 2009 at 11:06 am
like i love my boyfriend and he is cheating i did too i told him and i stopped we been together for two years wat should i do i just want him to know i love him and im not cheating
Zeme
On March 24, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I am with this guy for 3 years and everything happen he bring up the past. i love him but i feel like giving up.
:) smileeee
On April 15, 2009 at 10:16 pm
mm . my boyfriend is very clingy, i hate it. i don’t feel the same way about him as he does me . i want things to end so i can be with other guys. what is something i can say that is short and sweet and won’t break his heart ?
HELPP pleaseee !!!
vakabon
On June 22, 2009 at 10:52 am
i love a girl so much, extreme, i feel i made her fall in love with me. but she has been with and loving someone else 3 years before, i came to know her not not more than 2 month and madly in love with her and she also . i still love her more and more. first time in life it happened. but when i think wat am doing is not ok. coz the other guy does not anything about wat is actually happening, i feel am doing a sin, the other guy has done lots of things for the girl but i haven’t, except loving her. the problem is dnt know what the girl has in her mind she never decides with whom she will stay, just is just confused. but wht i know , am doing wrong, but seperating the guy from her, its very painful to break up with her, and i must break with that girl coz everytime reminding the other guy gives me pain, i accept defeat when too much emotions./ he is first guy loving and knowing the girl and am the second, 1st remains first. i hope i did well breaking up with her ,
shopgirl!
On July 8, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Hello,
I can’t believe that you are in the same predicament as myself! I fell in love with someone the first moment I saw her. She has been married for 26 years and has always been a good girl. It was a very low point in my life and she too was very sad. She is actually my landlord and so I know the whole family. It is idiotic to say but I love her family and do not want to hurt them. She did move out and lives in one of the apartments but can’t seem to make up her mind. The marriage commitment is what keeps her in it and I too cannot offer what her x has except love her unconditionally. I am so confused and in pain because I want to marry her and her as well. I tried pushing her away and left her so many times but can’t stand not being with her. Please tell me how it is with you? Is breaking up the only thing to do?
anu
On April 24, 2012 at 3:45 am
i am in love since 2years but he feels bore so he left me.i want him back plz gine me suggestion.