How to Break0Up

July 10, 2009: I woke up this morning, and I really just wanted to talk to him… It has been three days since my heart was completely broken. Let me give you a recap of the past:

His name is ”Josh” and we became very good friends in high school. We would write notes to each other and text and tell each other everything. My senior year he asked me to go to prom with him and I was so excited. I started falling for my best friend in the whole world that day. We became an official couple on April 18th 2008. Everything was absolutely perfect for a year. Then it kind of started breaking down.. We started fighting and I was so hurt because we NEVER fought. on July 7th 2009, a mere 11 days before our 1 year and 3 month mark, he broke up with me.

I lied to him about my previous sex life. It really hurt him and he was very offended. He also said that he felt like he didn’t feel appreciated for any of the things that he was doing for me. I didn’t realize I was pushing him away… If I would have known I would have told him every second of the day, “Thank you”. I NEVER wanted to lose him. I cried for three days straight.

Last night, I hung out with a boy that I am attracted to. I don’t know if I want a relationship, I just want a friend. He kissed me… wow… it was so incredible. For the first time in a long time I felt WANTED. And he asked me out on a date for tonight. I’m confused more than ever right now though.. . I love “Josh”… But he clearly told me he didn’t want me anymore. I still want things to work out but I’m scared. I don’t know what to do.

Today, I feel better than I have since before we broke up, but I’m still hurting. I called my friend and just broke down. I feel excited to go on that date… But I’m hesitant. I feel like I’m cheating on “Josh”. I know I need to move on, but I can’t. In a way, I want to do something to make him jealous and hurt. I want him to cry as much as me and realize that he is losing someone great.

I feel dead… like something inside of me died July 7th 2009. In Pink’s lyrics she says: “The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest”. He definately hit the hardest, so hard that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get back up….