How to Cope in an Interracial Relationship
by Unfortunately, the topic of interracial relationships is still taboo. The recognition of this taboo can be felt through stares, laughs, or downright harassment. I have experienced all of these, but we’re still going strong. For those of you in interracial relationships (and especially for those of you who are not), here are a few words of encouragement.
Othello and Desdemona
Fetishism
Loving v. Virginia
If you are a man in an interracial relationship, there will inevitable be accusations of fetishism. But obviously, the only way a person of one race could become involved with a person of another, is through some kind of carnal lust. For reasons unknown to me, people don’t consider love as a driving force. Most people seem to only think in terms of domination or submission. But we all know that love doesn’t (and can’t) work that way.
Honestly, I can at least give some credit to people who attempt to pretend they don’t notice. But being treated as an oddity simply cannot be quelled by people pretending we don’t exist. I’d probably prefer that people got up the guts to simply ask me a question than to simply ignore our existence as a couple all together.
It’s always encouraging to see another interracial couple walking around, minding their own business, because you know other people are experiencing the same struggle.
Stereotypes
Of course, when someone does decide to ask you a question, it may not be in the most polite way possible. Mostly, because people simply don’t know how to be polite about anything dealing with race–there’s simply no way to go about it. I can sympathize with this, but there are some line that just shouldn’t be crossed no matter what type of relationship you’re in. For example, one guy found it appropriate to ask a white man with a black girlfriend, “Is it true black girls do it better?”
C’mon. Let’s not be immature here. Would it be appropriate to ask any other person in a relationship that kind of question? A little critical thinking should help you out with that one…
Cultural Differences
There are going to be struggles. There are going to be misunderstandings. Anyone in any kind of relationship knows that basic fact. Unfortunately, however, ethnic/racial differences can make misunderstandings paramount. For those in an interracial relationship, it’s best to be honest about any cultural predilections that may interfere. This includes the possibility of introducing one’s significant other to one’s family, one’s friends (if the groups of friends is already familiar with one another, then you lucked out), and being proud of your love and the one you love!
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Post Commentmdegenhardt
On October 3, 2008 at 10:55 am
basically dit comes down to, if you love someone or think that you may be falling for someone, pursue it. Let not others make the decisions for you after all one could be missing out on so much. This article was written with the heart of people in mind. Very well done. Michael
jo oliver
On October 3, 2008 at 11:18 am
Love comes in many forms and shapes. If someone falls in love with someone that is a diff race that is no one elses place to judge them. There is nothing dirty about love and shame on anyone that mocks people who choose to love someone diff from themselves.
goodselfme
On October 3, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Thank you for allowing this article to show GOD made us all. What is life if we don’t have some focus of loving one another as God loves us?That is unconditional.
The Quail
On October 3, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Very good article and I shall stumble this for you. Please keep up the great work.
mix kid
On October 3, 2008 at 6:22 pm
i get bored reading about parental factor. an army of mix folk already been out there. referring 2 their mom/pop like a ‘taboo’ will probably piss em off cuz what will that imply about them? y not speak in a context of their existence if u gonna refer 2 their ‘parental stereo-typing.’ it aint all about @$$, ‘love’ + h8: just ask somebody like mariah carey, russel simmons ex, or obama or any cubano or chicano… or how bout thomas jefferson mistress family?
seriously, what about US?
Lauren Axelrod
On October 3, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Interesting topic and of course controversial. I believe we can’t choose who we love. It just happens sometimes, no matter the color or race.
Damon Reichardt
On October 4, 2008 at 1:33 am
I married my best friend, she is me in a female body. We do everything together and enjoy each others company. I didn’t ask her to marry me because of her race, or to have some fantasy fulfilled or anything like that. I asked her to marry me because she is my soul mate, not because of her race. We live in a small Nor CA town and have experienced the looks and the judgment from others. We choose to ignore them and live life as Creator sees fit to reveal to us. Thank you for posting this and keeping love alive.
Melody Arcamo Lagrimas
On October 4, 2008 at 4:15 am
A very well-written piece on a very interesting topic. It may be difficult but I guess if both will do their best in making their relationship work, it will certainly last.
Balzac
On October 4, 2008 at 10:07 am
Ursula, I consider this a well done essay. You have very good points in there. I’m totally in agreement with you. Take care.
Ruby Hawk
On October 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm
This is an interesting subject to everyone. Sometimes we simply don’t know what to say that we are sure doesn’t impose on anyones privacy. I have mixed marriages in my family so I am at ease with the subject.
ursula banteux
On October 5, 2008 at 7:28 am
In response to mix kid: I’m not saying parents of mixed children are taboo, I’m saying that the topic of interracial relationships is taboo. I’m in an interracial relationship too. That’s why I’m trying to get the word out. Maybe one day people won’t regard interracial relationships as taboo.
Lindalulu
On October 6, 2008 at 7:56 pm
None of us can pick the one we fall in love with. There should never be the worry about if they are of a different race or culture. We are all people of God and I wish everyone felt this way. I think often about how much people miss because they worry about such small things. Yes it is a challenge to be with someone of a different race or culture, but just think how much fun it is to learn from one another? Good article!
Brian Daniel Stankich
On October 28, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Looks like our country is still in process on this issue, but I do think it depends on where you live. I’ve counseled a few interracial couples and have sympathy for you who…are courageous! Thanks for sharing your story!
Scott
On December 3, 2008 at 11:47 am
Im am in a interacial relationship. I absolutely adore my girl..Ive always been attracted to black women..I don’t know why.I just am, just everything..Its been great being with her. We have had some obstacles from all sides. But we are pretty patient with eachother, because its real Love..I hope me and her, work through all the things, and hopefully get married one day, and it never ends…The hell with prejudice or racism of any kind..