A woman is fearful her boyfriend is cheating on her. She seeks out advice and her advice is brutally honest.
Question: My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. He has been recently talking a lot to a female coworker. He isn’t hiding the fact that they are friends, but I have a bad feeling. He says he feels bad if he ignores her calls. What do I do? He assures me that they are just friends, and that he loves me.
First of all,
Even though your boyfriend might not be doing anything he is doing a good job of making you confused. On one hand he isn’t hiding the relationship, but the other hand it is still too suspicious. Tell him that you might be crazy but the relationship is making you feel uncomfortable. Ask him if he would be OK with you having the same kind of relationship with a male coworker. If he is doing the following, I would say there is cause for concern:
Does he talk to her after 7:00p.m and talk to her for more than 10 minutes?
Do they talk 3-4 times a week on the phone after work?
Does he say that when she is upset he gives her advice?
Does he say he feels sorry for her?
And, I really don’t like the comment about him saying he is “too ashamed” to ignore her calls.
Hy-pathetically, lets say they are really friends.Wouldn’t it hurt his friend more in the long run, if the relationship is based on pity? Unless guys are getting sex from someone; blowing off an annoying new female acquaintance is no problem for them.
If a really nice guy at your work was calling you all the time, you still wouldn’t talk to him, even if you felt bad for him; right? Since you are in a long distance relationship your best bet is to hire a private investigator in your area to find out what is really going on. Your boyfriend never has to know.
Call around and get the best price for your budget. Take a list of the top three companies you want to use, and research how long they have been in business. Also, if there is a way to email past clients to ask about their service experience, that will help you figure out which company is right for you.
Do you and your boyfriend Skype? Its free, and if you do the next time you Skype, really look around his surroundings for clues. Or take a snap shot of him and look at it later.
I am so sorry about this. If he is cheating, he probably didn’t know he couldn’t handle a long distance relationship. The lack of sex (due to distance) proved to long for him to handle. That is no excuse, and any person who cheats no matter what circumstances they are in; have a great chance of doing it in the future. He should have been honest with you, and spared your heart from further pain by telling you he cares for you but the distance is too much for him to be faithful.
Before you call the investigator, make sure to ask your boyfriend these questions.
Are you finding it easy to not be tempted by other woman because we live so far away from one another?
Would you tell me if something was going on with another woman so I wouldn’t get hurt?
Is there anything I can do to make our relationship better?
If he says no, and everything is fine there is nothing else you can do but get proof. Also, whether you hire a private investigator or not; I would get into some counseling to keep your sanity.
I know everything I mentioned sounds expensive, but there is no price on your sanity. You also don’t want to go into a new relationship with all the toxicity in your head from the last one. There are a million guys our there that don’t cheat, whether there in a long distance relationship or not. If he is cheating the longer you wait to find out, is the longer it will take for you to find the one your truly meant to be with. He is out there.
I hope this all goes well and he isn’t cheating. Hang in there. You know what to do. Our gut instinct is present in our bodies, for no other reason but to protect us. Remember to stay close to your friends, and family.
Oh wait! I forgot the most important part. Make a diary of all the weird fishy signals you are getting from your boyfriend. Write all of it down and date it with times, dates, places he was at etc. I would hand write it for safe keeping. Not only will this help you remember all the little details, if you hire a private investigator this will help him/her in quickly finding out what is going on, and establishing a clear time line of events.
If you want to ask for some more advice, or ask me a question feel free to message me. I really like giving advice; especially on relationships.
Don’t forget to breathe. I know this sounds harsh, but until you find out if he is cheating use a condom with him. Tell him (if your on the pill) that you were having some problems with your current brand of birth control and you have to wait (make up an amount of time) a certain amount of time until you can switch to another brand of the pill. Again, he could not be cheating, but this is your life and it is always better to be safe than sorry.
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