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How to Deal with Relationship Problems

The sad truth is that 99% of relationships will run into problems sooner or later. If you would like a lasting relationship and a partner for life this is something you need to learn to overcome. Problems can be resolved, and avoidance is the worst way to deal with them.

Because all of us are only human and we cannot read the other persons mind, even if sometimes we are good at guessing their thoughts, relationship tension can build up from time to time. After all partnership is two individuals each with their own needs and goals, and no matter how similar we might be, we are not clones, which leads to disagreement on certain matters.

The best relationship advice

Relationship problems are like a pot of boiling water.  The sooner you address the issue, the less probability of it boiling over.

This is why communication in a relationship is very important. Both verbal and non-verbal. Telling your partner what troubles you is the quickest and easiest way of addressing issues. Our body language can sometimes give away our true intentions, however not everyone is good at reading the subtle signals. At the same times, sometimes we pretend so well, that even the non-verbal signals are false.

What to communicate

  •          Things you are unhappy about
  •          Things you ARE happy about
  •          Things that are important to you
  •          Your life goals
  •          Your daily problems
  •          The borders you are not comfortable crossing
  •          The borders you will not cross
  •          The rules the relationship is supposed to abide

Although the final points might look strange, they are quite important. It obviously isn’t about creating a rule book, which both partners will follow religiously like two robots. However people do have different levels of openness and moral values, and making sure your partner knows what yours are, and vice versa can help prevent problems.

There are couples that enjoy a very open relationship, but there are others that are very possessive. If you do not communicate your limits, your partner might falsely assume you will be OK with certain activities.

How to communicate

Firstly whenever possible try to avoid an argument. At the same time, this does not mean sitting quietly and sobbing in a corner when your partner is not looking. Shouting and screaming usually makes people defensive and less receptive to criticism, which is why you should try to express your concerns or wishes in a calm manner.

Secondly, which is a sort of number one rule: avoid being accusational. Instead of saying “You make me…” use “I feel”, change “You are a lazy slob because you left dirty dishes in the sink” to “It would be so nice if I could get some help with the dishes”. These are just examples. Try to think how you would feel if someone told you something you did not like.

Often your partner might have different perception of your surroundings or a different scale of importance. It’s bad if they ignore you a hundred times once you communicated something; however remember to give them a chance to start with.

Moreover honesty is a must. It matters how things are said, but if you hate his dirty socks on the bed, say it. In this example do not give hints by referring to his lack of cleanliness – if it is socks that bother you, tell him about the socks, period.

Try to keep things simple, and tackle one issue at a time. If you jump out with a list of a hundred problems your partner might feel cornered, and start wondering if you actually love him, or something else, if you want to change him so much. At the same time, maybe you should ask yourself why are you with your partner if you want to turn him or her into something totally different.

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User Comments
  1. goodselfme

    On October 8, 2008 at 2:32 am

    Good info. I am glad I read this.

  2. ivyblack

    On October 8, 2008 at 3:02 am

    Thanks :) Glad you liked it

  3. Paul-E(:

    On December 4, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    I really liked this article! It made me realize that I’m the problem to my relationship! Thanks! Hit me up for more info!

  4. tiffany

    On January 19, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    Thank you so much for the advice. I love my boyfriend to death, we are getting ready to have our first child. I know that a relationship is hard at times. but there is something that bothers me so much.. I am very close to my family and he is very close to his.. When it comes to doing family activites he always will go to his and doesnt even have to ask me to go bc i think its the right thing to do, u just go. but , when it comes to my family functions he doesnt want to go:( it upsets me so much but i dnt know how to comfront him about it without making him mad or upset?? help??

  5. Ivy Black

    On January 21, 2009 at 5:04 am

    I’m happy you found my writing useful. I was thinking of an answer to your parents problem, and unfortunately it wasn’t a simple one sentence reply. So I actually ended up writing a whole post about it:

    Hope you can find it useful. :)

  6. Tommy

    On March 13, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    It makes me feel a bit more confident after reading this my gf and I are going through a rough stage that I want to overcome already her past was disaster and the way I treat her she sometimes thinks randomly that our relationship is to good to be true, I don’t know how to help bring her self esteem up. I don’t know if this is point were we should go and get professional help at the same time I don’t want her to get the wrong idea of getting professional help.

  7. liana

    On May 21, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    My husband and i get along perfect, but there’s a problem… Whenever he gets mad he seems to take it out on me and he cusses at me and threatens me. He’s never gotten abusive but i just don’t understand why he does this? He also likes to control everythinng i do and demands me to do stuff like he is my father. What do i do?

  8. Ivy Black

    On June 9, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Hi Liana, well, abuse can be non-physical too… If you think it is only an occasional thing, maybe you should just talk openly about how you feel about his outbursts, obviously not during a fight though. He might not be aware of the fact how much this affects you and how hurtful it can be.

    Though at the same time you have to be prepared to face a harsh truth, that maybe this is just how he is, and he will not see anything wrong in this behaviour. In the case of the later situation I’d probably rethink my partner choice…

  9. benyiwa

    On June 30, 2009 at 11:17 am

    when i call my guy he does not want to answer all because he says i complain a lot and is not that i complain alot but he has change and i need to let him know.

  10. tina

    On October 1, 2009 at 10:59 am

    I have been with my partner for over two years, we love each other dearly. lately we have been arguing, the arguments get serious, we both end up emotionally hurt and on the brink of ending the relationship. We both don’t want to lose each other, but we want to stop this arguing. It is difficult and it’s occurring more and more frequently. I love this person and i want to be happy with him, we communicate and do out best to understand each other but i feel we aren’t always understanding the severity of our feelings. Is there anyway we can take the first step to avoiding these hurtful arguments. We can’t take much more.

  11. Ivy Black

    On October 4, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Hi Tina,
    It depends what the arguments are about. Are they about pretty much anything, or is it just one problem that keeps resurfacing? Even when it seemingly is about anything there probably will be an underlying issue.

    Best wait for a good moment when you are both open and willing to talk about what is wrong in your relationship, as there definitely is something. It might be something temporary, circumstantial or easy to solve by being fully honest.

    Without knowing more it’s hard to say but it could also be related to where you are in the relationship. Maybe you have been at a certain point for too long and he either wants or is afraid of the progress and changes that might happen.


  12. tyraparker

    On October 11, 2009 at 4:31 am

    i just started my relationship with an egyption guy , i have no experience at all in relationship, we talk of love and i really love him so he does but we also have arguements as most of the time just because he doest give me time at all, i want to rule this relationship but it seems like hes rulling over me ,he makes me wait for him for hours and hours to come online and ill be waiting feeling sick!!i even spoke to him about how i feel but i guess he never changes!! im sick and tired of it and when we talk of marriage he says that he isnt sure of himself wot do i do?

  13. lamar

    On May 17, 2010 at 12:40 pm


    Me and my girlfriend love each other so much, we been together almost a year now. We are very young 19 but i feel no matter what age u r u cant deny true love, anyway i recently had a fallen out and she told me we need a break from each other becuz we wrk together come frm wrk together and we was going to school together . She said she need time for her and her family she alos said we need ah break from callin each other becuz we mite fuss o the phone and seeing each, i cant deal with the fact i cant call her or she her i text her first before she text me now and i feel if i dont im not going to communicate with her at she said we still a couple but i want the old us back i miss her so much what do i do

  14. Diamond

    On June 21, 2010 at 3:23 am

    Me and my boyfriend argue every now and again but we talk it out sometimes but the problem is that he gets mad or irritated when i text him or call him. I really need some advice.

  15. Jasmine

    On June 21, 2010 at 3:24 am

    Me and my boyfriend argue every now and again but we talk it out sometimes but the problem is that he gets mad or irritated when i text him or call him. I really need some advice.

  16. Abraham

    On October 25, 2010 at 1:17 am

    hey look bro im having problems with my gf. and the sad thing is that weve been together for 2 months and the problems we are having are trust issues. i really love her to death and i dnt want to lose her. u think u could give me advise? it would be apreciated.=)

  17. long distance

    On August 18, 2011 at 5:25 am

    hi, this article is so impressive, my case is that my boyfriend traveled to another country, most of our conversations are on internet, CHAT not video calls or cam, because in some point we don’t have subjects to talk about, just asking about health and work!! can you help please, not enough subjects to talk about, we love each other ,HELP

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