How to Fight

How about when you win an argument but instead of feeling good about yourself you feel dirty or when you lose not just the argument but also a little of what was good about the relationship?

Yet arguing is often vital to the success of a relationship. Everybody is different, disagreements will occur. Without argument or discussion the disagreements will pressure-cook until the relationship explodes.

My first husband was a peace-loving soul, he would go out of his way to avoid strife, even to the point of agreeing with everything I said. Nothing got resolved – it made me so wild I once threw an entire dinner service at him, plate by plate, to provoke a reaction. I didn’t succeed, its no wonder the relationship failed.

Arguing constructively actually grows and improves relationships. Even if you personally lose the argument if you embarked on it and continued with it with the right attitude you win and hopefully so does your partner. Of course that is the ideal scenario and often it happens that way because if you fight well it inspires the other person to do so too. But sometimes the other person is just not as “grown-up” as you are, they may game-play, commit fouls and maybe even win but they also lose much more than an argument. If that is the case wait until the mood is again sweet between you then get him or her to read and discuss this article.

They key to arguing well is of course good communication.

Timing is an essential component of good communication. Obviously we can’t always choose the right time, sometimes arguments blow up at the worst possible times. But if we can choose we increase the chances of success.

Don’t choose to argue as you are both rushing to get ready for work or when you know your partner has had an exceptionally tough day and needs your support – not you too, climbing into him!

Never, ever argue in public, its demeaning, embarrassing and could also get unwanted third parties involved. One year, in Greece, whilst sitting in a taverna, drinking a cup of coffee and minding my own business I heard an altercation between the patronne and the waitress. They became more heated, their voices rose, she began to week and the other Greeks in the taverna started joining in. Some were egging him on, others supporting her, chaos reigned supreme!

You want your partner to really listen to what you are saying so you must be prepared to really listen to him/her too. So often, in the heat of battle we are marshalling our own thoughts and our next retort and not listening. She could be telling you something of vital importance to her and therefore to the argument.