How to Find Out If Your Relationship is Losing Its “Spark”
by Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a relationship is really working for you, and even harder to decide if you should stay in a relationship.
This article will provide you with a simple and reliable three-part method for determining the quality of your relationship. You can use the method to help with decision making.
To confirm that your relationship is not working for you, look for these clues:
Clue #1: You feel ambivalent about your relationship.
Okay, everyone has doubts once in a while, but if you have significant doubts there is cause for pause. Don’t dismiss your doubts or concerns, but air them and try to hear what message they may be sending you.
Clue #2: You feel lonely.
If you feel lonely a good portion of the time, chances are something’s wrong and the relationship is not meeting your needs — when you feel lonely in a relationship the relationship is letting you down.
Clue #3: You are not happy.
Ask yourself if you feel happy. If your answer is yes, chances are your relationshipis working for you. If there is a void or an absence of happy feelings, or a sense of unhappiness or quiet dread, you may have a significant problem in your relationship.
TIP:
Happy, well-adjusted couples tend to play a lot. They are playful with each other, and they have a well developed sense of humor. They tend to make the mundane aspects of life enjoyable and fun. Their love for each other is often expressed in light-hearted ways.
If you and your partner are not playing together, and are unable to enjoy the simpler things in life, there may be a deeper problem.
The presence of any one clue may indicate your relationship is not working. If you have more than one clue, there may be bigger problems.
But there may still be hope.
What You Can Do:
Look for possible solutions to the problems in your relationship. Get busy and act to improve your relationship. Think about steps you can take to make the relationship better. Don’t sit around and wait for your partner to do it.
Communicate with your partner about constructive changes the two of you can make. Devote some time to problem solving as a couple. Avoid blaming your partner — that won’t help.
Whatever you do, give your relationship a chance, but take the problems seriously. Before giving up on your relationship, seek the help of a relationship professional. Our relationships are gifts, and far more important than we sometimes realize. They are worth it!
If you feel your relationship is not a gift, then it would be wise to take notice.
Remember The Three Clues
If you’d like to put your relationship to the test . . .
check for any lingering doubts (and take them seriously), consider whether you are lonely, and assess your level of happiness. Spend more time having fun and doing pleasurable activities together, and less time wishing you were having a good time.
And listen to yourself. You know the truth.
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