How to Get Over Cheating in a Relationship

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There are very few things that match cheating as relationship killers. Trust is one of the primary supports to an enduring relationship, Most people consider cheating as the worst violation of trust possible. Very few relationships can stand more than one or two episodes of cheating and continue. Even a single offense if it is more than a one night stand will often end a marriage or relationship immediately. In spite of this, cheating occurs with surprising regularity in relationships. Getting over it is difficult but not impossible.

Trust must be rebuilt for the relationship to continue.

Regardless of which partner cheats, the relational trust has been violated. The offending person has to find a way to rebuild the trust that was lost. The cost of doing this can leading to the cheater deciding that it is not worth the effort if the other partner becomes too demanding or uses the cheating as a weapon to gain significant advantage in the relationship.

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Trust is established in baby steps.

Making a system of accountability can help with establishing trust. This should start with a heavy amount of contact between the partners. Both should be willing to give complete evidence of where they have been and whom they have been with during the times when the partners are not together. The reason that both should participate in this exercise has two desirable outcomes.

First, there is a tendency to want to get even when cheating has occurred. By checking in with one anther, not only is the offending partner rebuilding trust, but the other partner is less likely to repay cheating by cheating. The second reason has to do with the punitive nature of the accountability. If both partners are required to be accountable to each other, the innocent partner will not be as likely to force unrealistic accounting as punishment for the offense.

Be willing to let the hurt from the cheating go.

After some point, if the cheating cannot be relegated to the past, it will erode and destroy any remaining relationship. Once accountability and a measure of change has taken place, the affair must be forgiven and forgotten. It is not possible to keep a relationship intact and continue to dwell on past indiscretions. This is not an easy task to accomplish. It can require an agreement to stay faithful to each other and have a short-term separation for some healing to occur. The risk is that other partners may be found during this separation period.

Complete honesty about the extent of the cheating is mandatory.

Cheating is a bad thing. Lying about its extent is worse. If more and more information about the cheating continues to emerge during the healing process, it will fail. As much as it may hurt to hear the full story of the cheating and the reasons driving it, it has to be revealed for healing to be effective. If the level of cheating is too great for the relationship to continue, it is better to learn it immediately than after months have passed. A wound that is continually made larger will never heal.