How to Help Keep Your Marriage Alive

We all have problems in our marriage. Nobody is perfect. But if you feel like your marriage is losing something like communication or the everyday I-love-you’s that you look for in your marriage, here are some things you can do.

First thing is communication. This is something I hear most about in marriage. When communication is lacking you should:

• Talk first- Instead of waiting for your spouse to say something first, you start the conversation. Start by asking how their day went when you get home for work, or when they get home from work. Start  talking about a topic you know they like to talk about most.
• Listen- When your spouse starts talking about something you’re not really interested in, listen anyway. Comment as much as possible. This lets your husband/wife know that you still care about what they have to say.
• Go out- There are times when the real problem is alone time. Go out on a date every once in a while. It doesn’t even have to be a date. You could go grocery shopping together, go out to eat (even if it’s fast food,) or even just a little trip to the gas station. Keeping the radio on and talking about the music you’re listening to is a great way to start.
• Stay in- If you have children, find someone who’ll watch them, or wait until they go to bed and have a nice quiet candle-lit dinner. Just watching a movie with some popcorn is also a good thing to do together.

The next thing that I hear about is arguing. Everyone argues, it’s natural. It would be freaky if you were a couple who had nothing to fight about. But when you think your arguing is continuous, here are some tips for that:

• Listen- I know I say listen a lot, but listening is a key to keeping each other happy. When you are having a serious argument, listen to how your spouse feels about the situation and try to understand his/her point of view.
• Don’t interrupt- When your spouse is telling you something in an argument, even though you’ll be tempted to, don’t interrupt them. Sometimes your spouse may have just had a bad day and needs to get things off his/her chest to make them feel better. Wait until they’re done talking (or ranting, it happens) and then give them your own input.
• Don’t curse- Cursing can make matters worse when you’re arguing. Instead of letting your anger boil over that bad, walk away quickly and take a breath. If your spouse follows you and keeps asking you what you were about to say, or just keeps yelling, just simply say “I need to calm down for a minute. I’ll talk to you as soon as I’m ready.” It might be better to say this calmly and not so hostile or snap at them. That could just fire him/her up more.
• No name-calling- No matter how mad you are or how much you didn’t mean it the way it sounded, name calling is one of the worse things you can do. When you’re angry, it doesn’t matter if you meant it or not, your spouse will take it the wrong way or the way it sounded, you don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings. That’ll make the argument take longer to resolve.

Keeping the romance is something we all want. So here are a few suggestions to help you out:

• random acts- You never know when your spouse is going to have a bad day. But to help avoid these bad days, sometimes it’s good to do something random and thoughtful. I like to write my husband a letter telling him how much I appreciate and love him and hide it somewhere he’ll find it later on while he’s on his way to work. He loves it. Giving your spouse a card for no reason is always a way to tell them you’re always thinking of them.
• Gifts- gifts don’t always have to be expensive. When you go to the grocery store, pick up their favorite candy bar or soda to let them know you’re always thinking of them. And if you do want to give your spouse something expensive, it doesn’t have to be a special occasion or an I’m-sorry-gift. Sometimes, just  get them something for no reason. Just because you think they might like it. Husbands, giving your wife flowers every now and then is always a great thing.