How to Keep Your Partner on Their Toes

Don’t be afraid to change your mind occasionally, don’t run round after them, go away/spend plenty of time with mates – make them believe they are doing the chasing, even if you are simply leading them to your lair. Set the ground rules so it isn’t you waiting for the phone to ring, even if it feels wrong and all you want is your comfort zone. You are not a mother/father to your partner and shouldn’t be nurturing them like the child to your parent.

Nice people don’t play games.

 So they end up doing the chasing of people who do! How to make your partner keep chasing you instead? Make the rules out of their comfort zone, provide opportunities for them to see how desirable you are to others, don’t be lazy yourself, don’t be too available, retain your social life, don’t let them think you are dependent on them, don’t always return calls or texts, keep a proportion of your thoughts private, don’t let them think they are permanent no matter what they do to you. Yes it doesn’t seem “nice” to appear to be “playing games” – but do you want them to walk all over you? Time to be a bit tougher!

Nice people don’t spy.

True, nice people don’t spy on others but there’s nothing wrong with doing a bit to check out your partner – healthy suspicion of what they tell you – after all, unless they mix in the same social group as you, chances are you won’t know much about them when you first meet and you should know what you are dealing with.

Google.

What a wonderful invention. Just simply type in first and last name in quotation marks and see what comes up. For example, if the name is Paul Smith, type “Paul Smith” into the search engine. If your date has a common name like this, try typing in any further information you have – like the school they went to, the company they work for, where they grew up or where they were born. Any information helps narrow the results.

Don’t forget Facebook, MySpace, Friendster or any other social networking site. Again, just type in the name. If they don’t pop up in your network, think of a friend you can call that might be in the same network as your date. If your date went to Cardiff Uni and works for Barclays Bank, think of any friend or friend of a friend or brother’s ex-girlfriend’s cousin that went there too and ask them to check out Mr. or Ms. X.

Nice people don’t argue.

 Many people are brought up to think nice people don’t argue…but it’s actually healthy to sort out conflict and build on a relationship through improved communication about what you both want. Don’t be afraid to argue, just be careful how you do it – avoid personal insulting comments that have nothing to do with the issue, don’t start rows simply because it creates an addictive emotional high and you get attention at the making up stage, don’t go all out to win at whatever cost and make sure the argument is resolved (even if you agree to disagree) before you move on.