I’ve written a few articles that mainly deal with looking for signs of a good mate. But what if you already have a great partner; how do you maintain a good relationship? I’ve been in a relationship with a great guy for several years and even though it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, I’ve come to realize that there are some simple things two mature adults MUST do in order to make a relationship work.

Honesty is the best policy.

For any relationship to work, you have to have an HONEST relationship. Lies and half-truths always come out. If your relationship is built on a falsehood, it’s only a matter of time before it blows up. Be up front about your past, your feelings and what you’re doing. It’s easier to tell the truth then to maintain a lie.

NO CHEATING!!!

This one should go without saying. It shouldn’t have to come to where you are having sex with someone else, emotional cheating counts too! Fidelity is a true sign that you care for someone. If you are a cheater, you not only put your health at risk, but the health of someone you are supposed to care about. If you really feel like you MUST cheat, than you don’t need to be in a monogamous relationship.

Don’t hold a grudge.

A relationship will have its up as well as its downs. Holding a grudge when you have a “down” is dishonest, especially if you have made up. All grudges are null and void after a fight has been resolved. Having a “grudge bank” is a sure sign that you don’t really want to have a mature, honest relationship.

Talk, talk and then talk some more.

Men and women think differently about a lot of issues. The only way we can communicate our feelings to each other is to COMMUNICATE. Life is not a guessing game. If you have an issue, hoping for someone to just “get it” is delusional. A relationship is healthy if you relate to one another as adults: reserve the screaming matches for when the Mets win a pennant.

Trust.

This might be the hardest thing to do in a relationship, especially a new one. We all have a past and we may have been hurt by someone we once loved. Though we should always learn from our mistakes, we should never apply those lessons to someone who doesn’t have anything to do with it. However, trust needs to be earned. It doesn’t need to come to some kind of test: it can be as simple of following through on a promise made. My advice: trust the one you love until they no longer deserve that trust.

No games allowed.

Games are for kids. As an adult in a relationship, game playing and manipulation is just plain stupid. If you have to play games to make someone see you for who you aren’t, is that a real relationship? There are no winners when this kind of game is played.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

If you respect yourself, others will respect you.

Space, the final frontier.

Spending time with the one you love is important. Just as important: time apart. Your relationship should not be the only reason you get out of bed in the morning. Having other interests is a healthy and necessary component of a person’s life. Maintain WHO you are. The relationship should be a component to who you are overall.

Disagree with the one you love.

A healthy relationship has disagreements. I’ve never met a couple who didn’t argue about something. One of the main things my honey and I argue about is who should sleep on which side of the bed. This argument doesn’t develop into a screaming match where we hurt each other verbally and/or physically. We disagree, we talk, and then we resolve. One thing that we did develop as a technique: we have learned to “agree to disagree”. We came to realize that we can’t be shaken from a particular stance no matter how heated the argument gets. Since we already respect each other’s feelings, “agreeing to disagree” makes sense.