How to Make the First Move

Making the first move is one of the most exhilarating aspects of human mating rituals. Being the one to make the move can be nerve racking. Often times, the first move is made much later than it needs to be due to fear of rejection. Here are a few pointers I can offer to anyone making the first move.

In straight relationships, the man is traditionally the one to make the first move. Times have changed, though. It’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to make the first move. I am neither gay nor a woman, so I can’t write from that point of view, but my instincts tell me these pointers will work for anyone looking to break into the next level.

I’ll have to start with the assumption that you’re attracted on some level to the other party involved. If you’re not attracted to this person, you probably should avoid making moves in their direction unless you want to go around breaking hearts and playing games – not very nice.

The first step is to make sure the other party shares attraction with you. If the answer is no, you should probably try to build attraction or go elsewhere with your move-making self. Building attraction is beyond the scope of this article, and, while the broad principles are probably the same across the board, specifics will vary based upon your gender and sexual preference.

If you haven’t met your object of desire, now would be a good time to acquaint yourselves. I’m surprised myself to report that this step is optional, but often difficult to skip.

If you’re meeting your potential suitor for the first time with the intent of making a move, you’ll need to be very keen on their verbal and body language. Flirting is often a game of push and pull. If the apple of your eye is flirting with you, they may make negative comments towards you with an air of light-heartedness. Telling you to fuck off is probably not flirting. Abort mission and cut your losses or build attraction.

Fear of rejection is the leading cause of delayed move-making. If you’re holding a conversation, start to read body language. Crossed arms are a no-go. Leaning or facing away aren’t good signs, either. Positive body language may include them leaning in, keeping eye contact, pursuing the conversation themselves, smiling, and making physical contact.

If you have uninitiated physical contact from your suitor, you’re in the home stretch. Physical contact is key to making a move. It also lets you know where you stand in their attraction book.