Making the first move is one of the most exhilarating aspects of human mating rituals. Being the one to make the move can be nerve racking. Often times, the first move is made much later than it needs to be due to fear of rejection. Here are a few pointers I can offer to anyone making the first move.

In straight relationships, the man is traditionally the one to make the first move. Times have changed, though. It’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to make the first move. I am neither gay nor a woman, so I can’t write from that point of view, but my instincts tell me these pointers will work for anyone looking to break into the next level.

I’ll have to start with the assumption that you’re attracted on some level to the other party involved. If you’re not attracted to this person, you probably should avoid making moves in their direction unless you want to go around breaking hearts and playing games – not very nice.

The first step is to make sure the other party shares attraction with you. If the answer is no, you should probably try to build attraction or go elsewhere with your move-making self. Building attraction is beyond the scope of this article, and, while the broad principles are probably the same across the board, specifics will vary based upon your gender and sexual preference.

If you haven’t met your object of desire, now would be a good time to acquaint yourselves. I’m surprised myself to report that this step is optional, but often difficult to skip.

If you’re meeting your potential suitor for the first time with the intent of making a move, you’ll need to be very keen on their verbal and body language. Flirting is often a game of push and pull. If the apple of your eye is flirting with you, they may make negative comments towards you with an air of light-heartedness. Telling you to fuck off is probably not flirting. Abort mission and cut your losses or build attraction.

Fear of rejection is the leading cause of delayed move-making. If you’re holding a conversation, start to read body language. Crossed arms are a no-go. Leaning or facing away aren’t good signs, either. Positive body language may include them leaning in, keeping eye contact, pursuing the conversation themselves, smiling, and making physical contact.

If you have uninitiated physical contact from your suitor, you’re in the home stretch. Physical contact is key to making a move. It also lets you know where you stand in their attraction book.

A good first touch will be subtle and subdued. Being overly aggressive can be a turn-off. (though sometimes a turn-on. The more attractive you and the apple of your eye are, the more aggressive the first touches can be. Be confident but respectful.) You need to be within arms length of the chosen target. Elbow’s length is preferred.

Animate your hands while talking. When you make a point or finish speaking, let your hand rest on theirs for a brief moment. This will get a reaction. Read it positive or negative.

Another initial touch can be made by sitting close enough to touch. Body language names this move positive or negative. If they lean in, it’s good – away, not so good – nothing, try the hand thing.

First kisses work best when the consenting parties are alone, but this isn’t required. A public first kiss can have some tense after-effects, and should be used before a departure if at all. There is a school of teaching that will let you make the first kiss with nothing more than an approach, but this takes cajones (metaphorically speaking, of course) and some serious experience in reading body language.

Getting your partner alone is up to you, but telling them to follow you usually works fine. Take them somewhere less occupied by persons.

They eyes are said to be the window to the soul. Eyes turned down indicate submission or coyness – great indications of attracting. Away often indicates a disinterest. Up is reserved for thinking or looking at stars.

You’ll want to have good eye contact and be close enough to lean or stretch for a kiss. A person thinking about kissing you (even if they’re toying with the idea in their head) will glance at your lips often times without them realizing it.

If you’re nervous, you can wait for the second glance, but twice is most usually a go. Don’t worry about the conversation. You’ll forget it after the kiss anyway.

The first kiss should be dry. If your partner wants a more passionate kiss, they may grab you or press hard against you or open their mouth. Be sweet and brief. Smile and go for a second if it feels right.

Happy kissing!