(Never buy a book by this title, it is a waste of money. There is no formula for meeting girls. There are, however, a few facts worth knowing that will help you on your social journey. Knowing that both men and women will read this, the article was written tongue in cheek in hope of providing a moment of amusement) 

In the movies the guy always meets the girl in the most convenient of circumstances. Fate throws them together. He saves her life or loved ones. Maybe he even just saved the world. She fawns at him and he knows just the right thing to say and damn of it doesn’t flow from his mouth smooth as silk and sweet as honey. What a guy!
 
Ah, but not necessarily so in real life! When was the last time you saved the world? Hell I bet you never even had the chance to get a cat out of a tree, right? Me, the last thing I saved was twenty bucks at a Sax Fifth Avenue sale. So for most of us the dynamics are a bit more complicated and not nearly as obvious as in the movies.

The rest of us have to work a little harder. No one will write your lines for you and the girl of your interest is probably not in distress. However, all is not lost! There are girls out there that want to meet you as much as you want to meet them (do I hear an Amen).

Where are they? Everywhere. Now wait, not so fast Prince Charming. I didn’t say they all want to meet you. The first truth a guy (or lesbian – this is an equal opportunity article) has to accept is that there are:

•    A million women out there that like you on sight (want you) 
•    There are another million that hate your guts on sight (they don’t want you)
•    And the other three billion are undecided (they might want you)

Group One

Let’s assume that, the first group, the ones that come on to you like a hungry dog on a bone, are a gift from the gods and that as long as you don’t throw up on her shoes you are probably good to go. These ladies stare at you across the room with their tongues hanging out. They forcefully bump into you for no apparent reason and at times even spill something on you to get your attention. Don’t fight it. This is your lucky day with one little bitty drawback. While she may be hot for you she might also be psychotic or a serial killer.

She takes you home 

•    Don’t you let her put those handcuffs on you
•    Check for bags of lime in the garage
•    Are there oil drums and a welding torch in the back yard
•    Believe me, there is no good reason for her to show you the basement
•    She leaves her boots on (admit it, you always had a thing for Boris Vallejo girls – its OK)

•    She asks you for two hundred dollars (too late, this is not Group One, but what the hell you are here now, you
      were going to drop it at the bar anyway)

Group Two

Group two, the hate your guts bunch, are beyond any of your best efforts and should be left to their opinions. It’s really nothing personal. Hell, they haven’t even met you and they want your head on a stick. They resent the air you breath, find you utterly repulsive and can’t wait to tell you to @#*#-off.

How do you know them 

•    She has a clenched fist and box cutter in her other hand
•    She has her arm around her girl friend
•    Gazes at the ceiling while crushing an ice cube between her molars
•    Begins a conversation with the bouncer when she sees you coming
•    Makes sure you see the length of her finger nails

Unless you like pain, leave them alone.

Finally, Group Three

That leaves us with the three billion that are undecided. Not bad odds! They are the independent voters that can be swayed by your smooth action, charisma, and charm. Of course, if you act like a “spas”, have the attraction of a slug, and are a total clod, then Group One is your only hope. Watch your back (leave this page and go directly to online gaming).  

So how do we go about meeting one of these girls? Well, it is not as difficult as you may think, but it does require some basic common sense. First, forget the ten best pickup lines you bought for five bucks on eBay. You are also not Sean Connery in a James Bond Tux at a Baccarat Table in Monaco (if you were you wouldn’t be reading this) drop the attitude. And above all do not pull her hair, punch her arm, invade her space or even think about approaching a woman when you are three drinks past your limit. You couldn’t pick up a stray cat in that condition!

How do you do It

This applies to any social environment, clubs, the beach, Starbucks, whatever. If you are bald, a bit over weight, not particularly tall, don’t sweat it. Prince Charming has eluded her all day so you will do. Be comfortable in your own skin. I assure you she is not perfect either and she knows it. Your confidence and an easy smile are essential and will get her attention, neutral as it may be for the moment.

Divide and Conquer 

You may have noticed that young girls travel in packs while more mature women usually go out in two’s and three’s. Do not let their numbers intimidate you. They are much more approachable in such a format, particularly if you do not bring your buddies along. As a single male you will not intimidate them and chances are that one or more of them will welcome your attention. You just have to discern which one(s) and hopefully the feeling is mutual.

Do not focus all your attention to a single member of the group until after the majority has accepted you. Those ignored to soon in the process will be jealous of their best friends good fortune and torpedo you (really her) at the first opportunity. Women are jealous of other women in any context but especially where a man is concerned (ladies, she is not your girl friend when a guy shows up).

And what do you say? Try hello! There is no script and no slick lines. One of them will have a mouth and say something in reply. Play off of it and remember to talk to all of them. Before long one or more will validate their interest and hopefully she is the one you like also. Ask to see her again. The rest will happen by itself.

One On One

The basics are easy. Don’t follow her, don’t corner her and don’t invade her space. A girl that feels safe is a girl you can meet. Make her uncomfortable and you can forget it. Be casual and do not stare into her eyes at close distance (or any other attribute you find alluring). You are that soft-spoken, kind-hearted, decent guy from the movies. Go ahead say something to her.
 
Don’t you dare say something off-color you dope. Say hello and don’t forget to smile. You will receive a response ranging from; I want to have your baby (group one – be careful),  @#*#-off (group two – you didn’t pay attention), or hello (group three – go for it). Be honest, tell her you just wanted to talk and meet her. See where it leads. Maybe nowhere, there are no guarantees. But given that you have three billion chances at this you will meet some of them. And hard as it is to believe some of them will be glad to meet you. 

At the end of the day “Earth girls might not be easy” but they are available.