How to Meet Girls

(Never buy a book by this title, it is a waste of money. There is no formula for meeting girls. There are, however, a few facts worth knowing that will help you on your social journey. Knowing that both men and women will read this, the article was written tongue in cheek in hope of providing a moment of amusement) 

In the movies the guy always meets the girl in the most convenient of circumstances. Fate throws them together. He saves her life or loved ones. Maybe he even just saved the world. She fawns at him and he knows just the right thing to say and damn of it doesn’t flow from his mouth smooth as silk and sweet as honey. What a guy!
 
Ah, but not necessarily so in real life! When was the last time you saved the world? Hell I bet you never even had the chance to get a cat out of a tree, right? Me, the last thing I saved was twenty bucks at a Sax Fifth Avenue sale. So for most of us the dynamics are a bit more complicated and not nearly as obvious as in the movies.

The rest of us have to work a little harder. No one will write your lines for you and the girl of your interest is probably not in distress. However, all is not lost! There are girls out there that want to meet you as much as you want to meet them (do I hear an Amen).

Where are they? Everywhere. Now wait, not so fast Prince Charming. I didn’t say they all want to meet you. The first truth a guy (or lesbian – this is an equal opportunity article) has to accept is that there are:

•    A million women out there that like you on sight (want you) 
•    There are another million that hate your guts on sight (they don’t want you)
•    And the other three billion are undecided (they might want you)

Group One

Let’s assume that, the first group, the ones that come on to you like a hungry dog on a bone, are a gift from the gods and that as long as you don’t throw up on her shoes you are probably good to go. These ladies stare at you across the room with their tongues hanging out. They forcefully bump into you for no apparent reason and at times even spill something on you to get your attention. Don’t fight it. This is your lucky day with one little bitty drawback. While she may be hot for you she might also be psychotic or a serial killer.

She takes you home 

•    Don’t you let her put those handcuffs on you
•    Check for bags of lime in the garage
•    Are there oil drums and a welding torch in the back yard
•    Believe me, there is no good reason for her to show you the basement
•    She leaves her boots on (admit it, you always had a thing for Boris Vallejo girls – its OK)