How to Screw Up a Marriage in Less Than Two Years

As your hurt and rage start to boil over, don’t miss an opportunity to remind him that he has the sensitivity of a rotting log, the intelligence of swill, an integrity which is as weak as his own self-interest is mighty.

This will surely reinforce his inclination to detest you.

Never forget that it is because of your inadequacies that he could not prevent himself from falling into the arms of yet another woman, so ready to sooth his hurting ego.

Keep looking for confirmation of his lack of interest or confidence in you.

The morning after your latest, and most probably the last, argument, when you stop him at breakfast to lightly kiss his lips, and say you are sorry, you will certainly be able to hear his mumbled grumbled tribute to the total worthlessness of your gesture.

When he asks you to lay next to him on the couch, and you in turn ask him to retire with you to other quarters – the bedroom as it may be – to savour this inhabitual tenderness just for a few minutes in more comfortable circumstances, because his elbow is digging into your neck, his cheek is squashing your nose, Ralph the bumbling eager beige labrador is running his wet tongue all over your face, while knocking everything off the table with his enthusiastic tail, just don’t be surprised that once again it’s his comfort that is important, therefore he will once again refuse.  Even though it’s more surprising, (but don’t you dare be), when during the above argument (started because of this small detail) he tells you that all you had to do is ask him nicely to do something so simple for you.  (and at that point, you really blow up !)

Continue to believe the vows you made when he asked you to marry him.

This element of course has less to do with our subject matter.  It’s just interesting to point out that since you will not be spending the rest of your life with him, the vow “til death do us part” does not mean you will die of heartbreak.  It just refers to the last breath of any love he might have had for you.

If you do believe in the sanctity of marriage, then you certainly will be tempted to remarry (if you can find anyone at this point who is deaf, dumb and blind so to speak).  Therefore, you can make the same mistakes, and screw up a 4th marriage.

In consideration of those same vows, as far as the “til death do us part” promise, don’t consider suicide.  First of all, that might give him too much satisfaction, plus any guilt he might feel will be lost in the arms of his lover.  In addition, since you are fully deserving, you can be assured of kicking yourself for years to come, and continuing to wallow in the throes of hell.

Or perhaps, as I hope is my case, when there is nothing more to lose, therefore nothing more to feel or fear, you might one day reach a state in which you can achieve grace, perceive a small ray of hope, and rebuild your broken heart, to become the person you were meant to be.