How to Translate Your Plenty of Fish Messages Into Real Life Dates
Plenty of Fish is a great way to meet guys or girls. You know members are single and looking to date, you know they are local, and you know some of their interests. However, while Plenty of Fish is a great resource for making initial contact with guys or girls it is not the best place to truly get to know a person.
However, while Plenty of Fish is a great resource for making initial contact with guys or girls it is not the best place to truly get to know a person. Face it; you went on-line to find someone to date or hang-out with in person, not for a pen-pal. Unfortunately many people fall into a habit of emailing back and forth and this quickly becomes their comfort zone making in person meetings less likely.
Why it is best to get to know someone in person
It’s vital that you limit your messages to just enough to establish interest. Of course you also want to allay any fears that you are crazy and arrange the specifics of your date but you should not try to get to know the other person via email, instant messaging, or even phone calls.
We all know that we can easily seem different online than in person and the same is true for others. Why spend hours chatting online only to find out your pen-pal is very different in person. Not only do people act differently online than in person but you cannot gage their feelings or reactions without seeing the other person. We’ve all sent an email we thought was funny only to have the recipient take offense. These miscommunications, and many similar problems, can all be avoided by meeting in person for a conversation.
Personally, five emails is my maximum but if you’re chatty take up to ten emails to get to know the person and feel safe meeting them in a public place. For me, if we’re not setting something up by the fifth email or so then we’re not that interested in each other, not feeling comfortable meeting in person, or there is some other barrier. It’s best to suggest a meet-up and move on if the other person is not interested.
How to move from chatting on-line to having a conversation in person
- Your first email should be short, fun and playful. Think of it as a teaser. The goal is to get the recipient to open you message, read it, and think you are cool enough to check out your profile. Make sure to that your message makes it easy for them to respond, for example include an open ended question.
- Your second email should follow-up on the playful pattern and hint at something valuable about yourself. For example work in some information about your interests such as a great new artist you heard over the week-end or some plans you made to travel to Thailand this summer with your best-friend. Try to avoid talking about how great your job is or how much money you make.
- Your third email should challenge the other person a little. You want to make sure they are making an effort to appear cool and interesting to you. One way to do this is to ask them where their favourite holiday was to, what interesting book they’ve read lately, or how they express themselves artistically. This subtly shows what you find important (well-travelled, well read, artistic) in a positive way.
- Your fourth email should simply say it looks like the both of you would get a long and you should meet for a coffee, drink, ice cream, or whatever your idea of a first date is. It’s a good idea to include some details but leave the invite open so you can narrow the specifics down as you get closer to the date. For example if you propose meeting for a coffee at this great place you know later in the week then you can ask what the other person’s schedule is like.
- Your fifth email can be to confirm the details of your date or to swap contact info. Some people are more comfortable chatting on the phone first. If so leave the date flexible. Something like: Let’s meet Thursday after work for a drink at The Dog and Bishop Irish Pub, I’ll call you on Wednesday to check what time works for both of us.
It’s a good idea to save some minor detail to settle later so you can call or text the day before to remind the other person and make sure they can still make it. This will also cut down on standing you up or cancelling at the last minute.
When you do meet the person you’ll be glad that you still have lots to talk about!
Online dating is a great tool to meet people who are open to getting to know other people but it is not a great way to actually get to know them. Move it offline and enjoy!
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