How Women Sometimes Allow Narcissist to Destroy Them

I can just imagine that you probably started reading this issue with your tongue sharpened to objurgate me for making such a statement. But let me share a personal experience with you before I delved into the central focus of my article.

There was a time when I was in a verbally abusive relationship with a narcissistic man who found great pleasure in ranting obscenities and profane invectives at me effusively.  He would launch a tirade at me completely unprovoked.  His bout of anger made me very apprehensive about calling his phone or even talking to him because of his labile rampages and tantrums. It was as if he had problems and he was using me as a valve to vent his frustrations.  A psychologist friend of mine was very amused when he learned that we were only seeing each other for a week and he was behaving or rather our relationship sounded like we were together for years. It did not stop there. The more I got close to him and demonstrated my feelings for him. The more obnoxious he became.

I remembered his first attack. It was our second time conversing on the phone. I found his petulant response to my opinion of his professed single status as unbelievable and he had excoriated and shut me down for insinuating that I was a liar. Everything about the man was incredible. He was almost too good to be true and I fell in love with him, with most men I could decipher what their intentions were towards me but my ex narcissist was unreadable.

The signs were very clear I just kept overlooking and falling for his kind words, saccharine tone and the romantic text messages he sent.  I saw his obnoxious behavior as a desperate attempt by him to act humble.  I posit the first subtle obnoxious statement he made was just an overreaction to my questions or he had a bad day. I did not think that it was the real side of the man, slowly but surely emerging.  I imagined his possessive attitude and portrayed insecurities as profession of his softer side.  It felt good that a man of his caliber could be jealous of a woman he barely knew.  I presupposed his jealous responses to my outings and dates with friends were proof that he was smitten, oh how naïve and paltry my masculine assessment skills were.   I thought he had feelings for me. I believe that he was truly lovesick when he was hasting to consummate our relationship even though I wanted to wait based on the fact that I thought our relationship was moving too fast and I wanted to get to know him more.  But I gave in under the misconception that he wanted intimacy to reassure his place in my life and to cement his right to ask me questions about my life, whereabouts and companions. I found the idea intriguing, amused and sometimes frightening. A small voice in my head kept telling me there was something wrong with this handsome, successful man with a bad temper.