A song is written from an experience. I considered myself a contented back up artist looking for the harmony note. I bow to the greats. But one day I wondered if I could write a song myself, a song of my own instead of being happy to sing a song another had written. I didn’t know how to find my own song. Then one day I had a love affair. Then I knew. This must be a heartache I thought. I have to get this pain out of me and put it on some paper and it does help.

The song “Who” I wrote in 91. I wrote a bunch but only got 11 down on a tape which a good friend turned into a CD for me. I put my tape on a shelf gathering dust for years then one day hauled it out and sent it my friend who was making me a website for a book I was writing. I asked him if he thought I should put up a song as well on my website, thinking probably not. We were going to put Enya up there. Since then I have grown to love Enya so much. I want to sing just like her. To make a long story short my friend gave me the confidence to go ahead and put up a song or two on my website. I really thought I would be laughed at and not taken seriously if I did.

What I did was listen to my own music through Bob’s ears, the friend I told you about. I put my own ears down and picked his up. I started to like myself because of him. God bless him. What would we do without friends? Speaking of looking through a friend’s eyes and seeing my reflection there, I’m an avid astral traveler and so is Bob. I actually met him in outer space and darn near knocked him over as I flew to him. My Friend’s name is Bob. He’s got a Myspace and it was his idea to set myself up there; I’ve been following his advice a couple of years now and he’s never wrong. Also Bob will write his own book and publish it shortly regarding some paranormal events.

So, Who is gonna listen to you? Friends of course. Here’s how that song happened.

Ron was the ultimate male enigma for me. I do believe men are from Mars after meeting Ron. He was a warrior spirit. He didn’t know a lot about women. If I saw him again I’d tell him, honey, you don’t need to conquer Venus, you let her surrender.

So Ron said one day, being as he was into astral travel, mental telepathy and psychic stuff, he said. “I’m here to give you a gift.”

I said ok, I never turn down gifts. What exactly is it? I don’t know that yet he said. It turned out the gift he would give would be all the songs I wrote besides a little emotional maturity to boot.

One day came and since warriors are difficult to pin down we broke up. Good riddance I thought, this guy gave new meaning to the word macho. Accused me of playing house; that wouldn’t be so bad to be accused of playing house, except that he was right! What a catch 22. It comes natural to me; I love making others comfortable, lovers especially; part of that hospitality means you maintain a home. I suppose what he was really saying is he didn’t want me to get comfortable because he didn’t plan on staying in order for me to continue playing house.

He calls me from a singles bar once. He starts to make a habit of calling me from the singles bar after we’re done with each other. He wants me to come down there. Keep him company or something. Maybe I’m his back up card. I don’t hang in singles bars, don’t like the atmosphere, but I think this one time, I’ll go save him from loneliness, maybe he’s had a change of heart. Yea right!

I get down there and fight my way through elbows and I can feel guys sizing me up and I don’t want them to get the wrong idea why I’m there as I am definitely not shopping for men. I’ve actually decided Ron is the last guy I was going to try this relationship business with. I was on my way to becoming Christ’s bride. Yea, there’s still a few of us around. We’re more spiritual than religious though.

I find Ron dancing with some blonde. Ok. I can handle this, but why did he call me? Might as well be friendly and chat with them. I wave and smile and wait patiently for them to stop dancing and invite me over to their table, after all, Ron had finally talked me into coming down here when I didn’t want to be meeting him here.

Everybody stares at me staring at them. The next song came on and still they didn’t come invite me over. The pretty blonde looks at me, looks at Ron, back and forth and I see she’s getting on his case asking him who I am and why am I looking at them. Ron looks sheepish as he begins speaking to the blonde. The joint is so loud I can’t hear them and I’m standing about 15′ away as I’m such a nice person, I like to not threaten others but maybe I should change my ways?

They won’t get off the dance floor, they’re so wrapped up in each other. I get this heavy thud in my solar plexus. He could at least say hello and goodbye to me. I was going to have to get out of there pronto as smoke was coming out of my ears and I don’t make scenes.

So as the grapevine goes I hear he moves in with the blonde nurse. Ron has cancer and he likes women to nurse him. I notice I was a nurse type pattern also, just until I didn’t want to be one. Since his days are numbered here, the blonde makes a deal with Ron. I’ll nurse you for the money honey she says.

To make a long story short Ron comes crawling back to the one who gives it away for free. Do I look stupid? I could forgive him easily enough. He’s just a man. They are always doing something wrong as that’s their nature. But as far as intimacy again, no, he was the last guy I’d ever take into my bed. I was just plain tired of romance and trying to get it right. I had been deserted on the dance floor while wolves closed in from all sides. I didn’t even get a post it note saying I was out of luck. It’s the ultimate blow to be ignored. Better to be screamed at or hit than to be ignored like you weren’t there.

He had given me his gift at last. I had asked the universe “where’s my song?” The lyrics “who’s gonna listen to you?” means Ron doesn’t listen to his softer side; his female side. There’s a message to humanity in the words because we all experience what we perceive as failed relationships when in actuality, that relationship may be just what you need to make yourself strong, to wise up to express yourself in the moment if something is not right. In retrospect, if something like this happened to me today, I’d speak my piece right away and not huff out the door with my tail between my legs. It would have been better for Ron to know how to respect people in general. Maybe it’s a matter of bad manners, or maybe it goes much deeper than just bad manners. Or could it be there wouldn’t be a song to write if things hadn’t happened just as they did? I knew anger was a powerful thing and maybe I would hurt someone worse than what my intentions were, so I kept it in.

I needed Ron to throw me away. I needed time off to do my 40 nights and days of contemplation. It was all incredibly meaningful in the end.

The song is also a cry for commitment within relationship, so that we don’t throw away the value of that relating. We don’t really need commitment of the relationship as lovers however we could conceive of commitment to communicate honestly. I would have settled on friendship with Ron, I would have accepted he had found a replacement for me if he could be honest. He could ask me to go away. I would have gone quietly. I was no longer in love, but I still wanted respect. The songs helped me unstuff the pain. That too was part of the gift he had come bearing. I figured it’s ok to love more than one person in your life, but it’s far kinder to love one at a time. If you’ve got any relationship at all, nurture it proudly; it may be the last one you get, and that may be as good as it gets. So who’s gonna listen to you? Shhh… Listen to love. It will take you all the way home.

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