I’m Penelope He Said

I have become Penelope. She thinks she’s too ugly to have love. I didn’t see the movie and didn’t even know there was a movie called Penelope with this character in it before the night before last.

I’ll be brief. I have a boyfriend who comes to me in my dreams. I’ve not met him in physical reality. He came again the other night, made some small talk then dropped the bomb on me that I was a Penelope pattern.

Of course I would rather not be this thing however there is a good side to all this, that by recognizing your pattern, one can break out of the pattern of behavior or thought and accept love into one’s life.

Upon awakening I went to goggle in Penelope to see what’s up. I found a town called Penelope in Greece. I also found in mythology a Penelope who was married to Odysseus.

The funny thing is I’ve never been fond of reading about mythology but I have to admit, I am like this Penelope who has a strong loyalty towards her husband Odysseus, who as it happens disappears for 20 years.

That’s too funny as my boyfriend has been missing from my life physically for 60 years and now he popped up in my dreams here and there for the last 20 years, and…he’s a lot like this Odysseus character.

I cannot make up some of the things he says and does in those dreams and especially this last bomb of me being Penelope who does lie to herself in the movie that she is ugly and does not accept herself as lovable. It’s also too funny that I’ve become full of vanity lately. You should see my closet. Each item reflects me, trying to make myself into something beautiful, while I look at my face and think I’m ugly and that boyfriend will not find me beautiful or lovable should he actually one day show up in person. Like the myth Penelope I am always waiting for the “right” one. The relationships seemed too many until I threw up my hands and said enough of this. I choose Celibacy and a devout contemplative life. Penelope of the movie farce, must find the Prince Charming to break the curse of ugliness. Or could my story be like Cinderella? But I don’t believe in fairy tales. Still, I’m a drama queen; yes, that explains everything.