I’m Penelope He Said

This is dreadful drama in a way but I’m keeping positive. In addition there is the mythological Penelope to consider, all those many suitors who wished to become her husband in Odysseus’ absence. They pestered the hell out of her to choose a husband but she felt she had to be true to Odysseus despite that guy is off conquering whatever warriors conquer; she didn’t want to take less.

So Penelope told a lie. She was sewing on something. She told the suitors when she was done sewing, she would choose a suitor. She lied to get them off her back. She would sew and rip out her sewing each night to delay having to choose a new husband.

I suppose she felt she was still married to Odysseus despite she couldn’t find him anywhere.

That sounds like me. There was something wrong with every relationship. All my men suitors either 1) had an addiction and nearly got me addicted 2) were already married to someone else 3) did not have my same interest 4) were too macho, too logical, not emotionally expressive, non committal 5) One died on me and one took off for Hawaii because my kids were bad. It’s enough to make anyone into a Penelope.

So I guess those relationships could be like Penelope’s suitors who hounded her, as none of them actually loved me, they weren’t prince charming, for sure, I didn’t expect them to be, nor did I consider there were such a thing as twin souls before I started having these dreams with boyfriend in there, telling me things I wished I didn’t know. Because now I have to change myself. Or rather my self image of myself as ugly. That won’t be too hard to change if I just keep working on it.

I’m really not that bad looking. How do we get these ideas? All of the above does not fascinate me nearly as much as the fact that I saw boyfriend the other night in my dream and he dropped the name Penelope on me, gave me a bit of a hug and disappeared once more into outer space. God speed you dear. My love goes with you either in fair or bad weather. Wait. There’s one more part to the drama. When Odysseus comes back, he comes back in disguise, just like my dreams are like a disguise for the real thing. He comes back to see if Penelope is really true blue and loyal or not. So he finds out she is true, even if she doesn’t recognize him anymore that’s it’s really him, her husband. So finally she does recognize him due to a scar she finds on his body. Anyhoo, Odysseus winds up slaying all men suitors. Man, this guy is rather aggressive, unless we can see it metaphorically, I would hope anyway, we could. So maybe Odysseus slays all the allusions that those suitors symbolized. One thing boyfriend already did for me was slay the illusion that I was unlovable and unbeautiful. I think it is true, beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder, but beauty is in my own eye as well.

Could it be true that only love matters? Only this? I’m beginning to think so.

I think I’ll go outside in the sunshine for awhile. The Bluebells are just starting to bloom. I’ll probably be awake when he gets back and if not, I’ll be awake soon.