In Search of a Father’s Love

     In an interview with Anita Manning of USA Today, Jonetta Rose Barras, author of Whatever Happened to Daddy’s Little Girl? said “Sexual expression from promiscuity to an aversion to intimacy; often, women go from man to man, from bed to bed, calling sex ‘love’ and hoping to be healed by the physical closeness.  An adolescent girl needs a secure relational male-female bonding that only her father can really impart to her; furthermore, ‘Fathers help their daughters become comfortable as to who they are as a girl and as a woman’” said Barras. 

     Without a father’s influence, Lohan’s, (known in Hollywood as the “teen queen”) and Hilton’s personal lives revealed a lack of discipline.  The responsibility lies with these celebrities’ parents. 

     Paris’ problem stems from one parent, Kathy, who was more of a best friend, rather than a parent; her other parent, Rick, appears to not have disciplined his daughter when she was younger.  When there are two parents in the home, as in Paris’ life, it is the father’s responsibility to discipline the child. 

     Webster’s New World Dictionary says a father is “a man who has engendered a child.”  The verb “to father” means “to care for, protect, rear, take the responsibility for.”  Being responsible involves taking a disciplinary role in the life of a child.  Within the parental responsibility is a two-sided coin called love and discipline.  Both are needed to produce healthy children.  Discipline’s intent is to “develop self-control, character; acceptance or submission to authority.” 

     All of us would agree that both Hilton and Lohan are old enough to make their choices.  There is no disputing that.  However, their poor decision-making resulted because their parents did not prepare them for life in the “real” world.  Paris and Lindsay were sheltered from reality, living in a surreal “Simple Life” world.

     Lohan’s parents, her father, Michael, (investment banker) and mother, Dina, (Wall Street analyst before becoming Lindsay’s manager) divorced in 2005.  Without a father in her life to give her devotion, discipline and direction, Lohan’s reckless behavior resulted in not only several car accidents, but in May of 2007, she was arrested for driving under the influence.

     Besides discipline being a core foundation for rearing children, other common denominators that bind these three celebrities, reflective of a deeply-rooted societal problem are: lack of attention, lack of affection and the absence of a father.  If the father doesn’t give them what they need, they will look for it somewhere else and in someone else.    

     After Mr. Lohan’s divorce from his wife, he released a statement through his lawyer saying, “[I] look forward to the opportunity to rebuild my relationship with my children.”  Lohan’s admission to begin repairing his estranged relations with his children is the first step to being there for their sake.

     We can still learn before it’s too late with our children, even if they are grown adults. The first step is exactly what Lohan admitted—re-establishing a commitment to put the sons and daughters first.

     A father’s greatest accomplishment will be his relationship with his offspring.  The father’s role in the shaping of his children’s lives is the most important domain.  His greatest success will not be based on whether he was a powerful leader, celebrity, athlete, musician, actor, attorney, doctor, nor fulfilling any other standard or definition.  This is simply just an artificial title of what he does.  It is not who he is.

     “Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation.”- Author unknown