Infidelity – The Loser’s Excuse

Can a relationship survive infidelity? That is a multi-faceted question and might suffer from too much content.

The immediate concerns are: who is moving? Can we keep a conversation flowing to come down to some meaty reasons? If there are two people in a relationship that is apparently running, and one person decides they don’t really love the other anymore, then one of them is lying. In other words. two in a relationship can’t be feeling contradictory emotions and be together. Someone isn’t stepping up to the plate and telling the real truth about their love and commitment.

Infidelities are going on everywhere. I can not think of one set of people who I think are wholeheartedly committed to the relationship. It depends on what their nuclear family was like. If you’re from a loud, many membered ethnic family, screaming is just their way of communicating and not meant to be an insult at all. But if this ethnically raised man is with a women who is an only child of elderly parents then yelling is the ultimately awful response.

So, this brings forth the issue of conversation. It is so difficult to talk while you’re actively angry. Take a break and set a time to meet up again in a calmer state. Try to avoid sarcasm, no one likes a sarcastic person. It’s the lowest form of humor and not pertinent to this kind of fact finding mission. One person can start by telling the other what their expectations are with this relationship, including infidelity. Then the other person does the same. Try to talk softly so that the subject becomes more malleable and not rigid and hateful.

I don’t know the statistics of men vs women having extra marital affairs. With a man I think the relationship stands a chance because men, in most situations, will fall into bed with any interested female. And, it’s true that they probably don’t care at all about her. A woman, on the other hand has probably thought about this other man for a while. Women need that extra element of emotional connection.

Does the couple want to reconcile? Are there rules? The age of the individuals and their perceived ability to jump happily into another relationship is a drag, and stupid. There is a point where you are not as cute as you think you are. Or, maybe you forgot to be nice? It doesn’t seem necessary to have roles if both parties are honest, responsible and “there”. Women want to be heard. They want it desperately, but amidst work and chores there is little time to be heard by anyone. To resurrect a marriage in this state has little or no chance at healing. Coming together HAS to be the first and foremost agenda on your table. Before your work, your appointments – everything. It is too important an issue to nit pick through it while passing on the stairs. If one person does that, just go somewhere else. He/she just isn’t that interested. If either one is saying that is it simply impossible to get together once a week to really interact, than that person should go do what is more fun for them. That person is a loser in the relationship shop. Good riddance.

If there are children, that is another blog.