Insecurities: The Male’s Perspective
by How insecurities and non-trust have caused one man to question his girlfriend for past mistakes.
I can see from these questions how this poor girl must feel to come home to this line of questioning and scrutiny, because I have been there myself. Ronald loves her, this is true. By giving me this story it only shows how much, but being questioned like this, especially when there is nothing she can do to prevent it can lead to a lot of bickering and subsequently another break up if he doesn’t get the help he needs to cope with his past mistakes.
Nothing can be worse than feeling you have to be on pins and needles when in a relationship, and everyone gets played one way or another when they give their heart to someone; that’s just a part of life’s unwanted surprises. However, it takes a very special person to show you your mistakes, and an even bigger person to see his past as what it was, a mistake that can’t either be changed; or forgotten, but a very hard lesson learned. Ron has agreed to seek therapy and come to grips with his inadequacies and maintain his relationship with his girlfriend, who he simply adores.
Hopefully Ron and his girlfriend can overcome his past, and focus on the now before it’s too late and it brings him, and what they are trying to build together to a drastic stop. Ron has agreed to keep me posted on his sessions and what he has learned through them for one of our upcoming follow-ups, and has already made the right choice. Therapy is highly recommended when you know something can prevent you from seeking true happiness, especially if it’s something you can prevent; and there are a great many therapists out there who can give you the help and support you truly seek. Many of us choose to bottle up our feelings and not seek outside help and that’s a very big mistake, which can later lead to depression, anxiety, rage, low frustration and tolerance. As well as shame or embarrassment, jealousy; hurt and guilt which are all categorized as unhealthy negative emotions; and can cause more harm than good. For more information on any of these issues go to Ask, or better yet speak to a health care professional.
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Post CommentMiguel Aviles
On September 30, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I really found this article to be both informative and very well done. However, you naturally took the girlfriend’s side, it still worked out to be interesting in the end. I could give you a story that would make oprah cry, but that would be a serious waste of digital paper, and I don’t have a week to type it out…You are an excellent writer!
angela
On July 29, 2009 at 7:58 pm
as the story goes for ron i have the same problem but i have tried tosupport the feeling for my boyfriend yet he is always on the negative side wakes up negative . you do it they like you better it’s your connection they need to talk to you … every week it’s an escalater to his feelings of depression, not good enough , no money no where to go , whats going to happen in the future if were fighting now,,, i simply tell him he needs to figure some of those thingsd out himself which translates to i don love or care for him i sometimes feel he is a 12 year old needing a baby sitter. he is a grown man and will tell you so but emotionally he is off the chart everything has become my fault or do i want him anymore this is weekly im going if not crazy now i really dont want him around and we have talked about space and when i ask for it he wants to argue that i want to break up and where what why all of it and accusing me of sleeping with others i just want to be left alone he will dwelll on this for hours and blow up the phone texting or by calls help i do support him emotionally and partially financially and i cant afford it i am loosing faith and respect for him help opne day the future looks great next morning he is cussing everyone and thing because nothing is happening yet his efforts are there be he needs to put a lot more into it he wants it now… just like a baby he wants everyone to respect him even when he has done nothing but put down and negtive thoughts and fighting im sick of his depression i just feel like i wanbt to run away
Susan B Anna
On August 1, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Hi Angela, fortunately I dealt with this issue before so I agree with Miguel A. above when he said I took the girls side. Of course, I did as I have been there myself. I was with my insecure, overbearing and dominating boyfriend for thirteen years before I saw nothing I did or said would help him change. It is not your fault he is feeling this way, and he needs to see it for what it is by accepting it as Ron did, try to change, which he also did and I commend him for. I promised to write about that but never got the chance, so I will make it a point to do so this weekend. If you both love each other, insecurities should not play a factor. In my case, my man didn’t change he got worse. Therefore, I moved on and since am a better person for it as I no longer feel depressed as you do at the moment, and found someone who gives me the space needed and supports me whole-heartedly.
Again, if the relationship can be saved by all means try. Go to couples counseling, speak up without yelling, and maybe you two can end up like Ron and his girlfriend did, as you may read when I write the follow-up piece. Stay strong, and always remember your worth.
Susan