Internet Dating

After spending 6 glorious years on my own I was growing tired of my own company and a friend mentioned I should try Internet dating. I mulled it over and decided “well, at least rejection in cyber space has to be more pleasant than a face to face meeting!” How wrong was I?!

I signed up to a well known website and began the task of looking for a mate. Tall, short, fat, bald, old, young, they were all there and the best part was I could search my own area for a match. Immediately I was hooked! Pages and pages of data were typed in about how I wanted him to look, sound and be interested in! For a second I was transported back to the age of the movie Weird Science! Putting a ton of information into a computer and ending up with my Mr Right! I was so excited!

Within minutes I had a list of 37 hopefuls. Eagerly I clicked on the 1st one. The shock was almost so bad I nearly fell off my chair. There staring back at me was the security guard at my local Morrison’s! I had to laugh. He put on his profile that he was in law enforcement, (somewhat a stretch of the truth!) that he was 35, (he was 42 at least!) and he was looking for his Miss Right. As I continued to read I felt a little twinge of guilt that I had judged him harshly. I mean he was probably a sad lonely guy fed up with a microwave meal for one just the same as me! Yet I must confess as I read this poor mans most innermost thoughts and feelings I did feel I should shop out of town for a while!

It occurred to me that we all have some element of need to find that mate. That special someone who will love us for who we are rather than what we should be. And who was I to judge them? Further serches found me looking at profiles of ‘Waiting for my Angellina- Mr Pitt’ and ‘Make my dreams come true-Prince Charming’ Do men really think we are looking for the preverbial happy ending? Obviously they do!

After some considerable narrowing of the field I decided to ‘wink’ at prespective candidates. The 1st two were definatly out of my league but hey, i’ve never been one to not hedge my bets! and the last 3 sounded ok on paper. After my messages came back that my prospective dates had been informed of my interest I just had to sit back and wait.

I found myself checking my emails at least a hundred times a day! and when I got my 1st response I could have swarn I was gonna wet myself! (thank god for panty liners!) But sadly it was not to be! My dream boat pair both rejected my interest with the standard ‘thanks for the offer but no thanks!’ reply, can’t really blame them! and partners 3 and 4 said they were in a cyber relationships with other members but were happy to talk. A slight improvement but I was sure this was a bit confusing. Can you talk to another member with a vertual girlfriend in tow? could I end up in an online version of Trisha? I wasn’t sure but I wasn’t that desperate just yet! Number 5 was sorry but he was cancelling his membership but had my details in just case it didn’t work out! Now should I be flattered or fed up?!

I decided after a month of rejections and strange email conversations that I couldn’t handel being rejected any more online than I could face to face! I think it is much more difficult talking without seeing each other. You cannot read people, thier faces and expressions and trying to weed out the wierd ones is harder too! I remember one email conversation where a man sent me pictures of womens tits and asked me to point out which ones were like mine!  Naturally I picked Angellinas and then told him to bog off!

Any way, I think you have to have been brought up with this technology to really understand it! Im too bloody old now, and besides I think beer goggles are still a good way to pull! At least we got a goon night out of it!