Is It a Good Idea to be Friends with Someone After Breaking Up with Them?

Take all the time you need before trying to be friends with your ex. It can be very painful if you see each other too soon after the breakup, or worst case scenario, you may start expecting to see your old partner more than you should. Taking time to heal can be the most important part of maintaining a friendship after the relationship ends.

Honesty is the best policy, and there is no exception when it comes to the feelings you harbor for an ex. If you are able to meet without feelings of hostility, or without wishing for reconciliation, then the time may be right for initiating a friendship.

Call your ex for no particular reason. When you find yourself in a good mood, just make the call, if it’s not an appropriate time, then you can call again later on. You are trying to make sure you have released all the hostile feelings you may have been harboring for each other.

Ensure that there are friends around you when you decide to meet each other as friends. If there are mutual friendships, then make it a group date, if not then you can resort to a simple meal with each other. Discussions held at lunch are much less serious than conversations you have over dinner.

Speak about general interest topics, your jobs, weather, your family etc. If you both have a mutual understanding where the friendship is concerned, then you have no need to delve into emotional topics.

Each person who has been in a relationship will not have similar perspective on the issue, but judging from my experiences, I can assure you that a friendship with your ex partner is a distinct possibility. However, unless your experience is with an abusive or otherwise dangerous relationship, in such a case the best advice is for you to keep looking forward and try not to remember your past. But in case your breakup was an agreeable one, and you want to maintain the friendship, then these steps will assist you in building a long term relationship which you are able to hold dear for the rest of your life.

Take time to let yourself heal: After a relationship has ended, it is of the utmost importance that you take the time needed to let yourself heal.  Grieving is a natural feeling after a relationship has ended, and so are feelings of humiliation and resentment, and because of this you will need time to heal properly.

In the case of a bitter ending of a relationship, and you do not wish to maintain contact with your ex, then you don’t have to, just keep moving forward. If and if your ex does not share the feeling, and still wants to be your friend, then it is up to you to state your position on the matter clearly. If however, you are of the mindset that whatever happened between you both was for the best, or that maybe you were not meant to be together, then you may want to think seriously about restarting a relationship or even a friendship with the person. It is your life, you will have to decide on what it is that you want and be proactive about working toward it.

When you are able to control your emotions and your mind is made up, then it may be time to start working on a new friendship. Once you have made up your mind and your emotions are in your control then start establishing the new friendship. Take minor steps at first, Call the person to ask about his/her big project they were doing at work, or any other general question about the person’s life. Try not to overdo it, but be sincere and act interested.  Try to have a relaxed conversation, and end it by telling the person you enjoyed the conversation, and would like to speak with them again sometime in the near future. With the passing of time, you may take it to the level where you can invite the person out for a party or to lyme with your mutual friends, if it’s not a problem to them.

If the person is not in the mood to go, then don’t push it, it may be that they are not yet comfortable hanging out with friends of yours. You can enlist your mutual friends to plan an outing wherein you both are able to see each other in order to try to figure out where you both went wrong.  Have your friends ensure that it in no way resembles, or takes on the characteristics of a date, not unless you have other, more sinister reasons.

Try to avoid hurtful topics when you are both together, avoid blame and accusations and try to aver topics which are hurtful, or conversations which are confrontational. Try not to think about the past, and keep focused on the building of a new friendship or relationship.

Remember that this process takes time: Don’t expect that this will happen in one night, remember that Rome was not built in a day, you have to remain patient at all times. Besides you have to remember that a relationship needs two persons, if one person is unwilling to try at a friendship, then there is nothing you can do, it would be smart for you to abort the attempt, and be content in the knowledge that you had tried.