A young man has just seen a young lady and jumps into conclusion; oh mine! “This lady is beautiful, she’s just wonderful. Check out here legs, the way she walks, the way she talks, wow! She’s beauty-personified. I knew i had found love. I just can’t wait to get her, it would really be wonderful.” Quite romantic, is it? But as romantic as these expressions sound, they are very untrue. It is just a fleeting passion. Why? Because you can’t really love someone you don’t know. In other words, what has been experienced by this young man is simple attraction.

This is where so many people get it wrong; they confuse attraction with love. Relationships exist at different levels, if you just met someone once or you cross paths on regular basis, but have not really talked much one-on-one, he or she is not really known to you, so you can’t start talking about loving somebody you don’t know a darn thing about. Love may be influenced by attraction, but attraction does not mean love. Love is a conscious decision made on the basis of vital information you find out about a person.

If you assume to love someone you met just yesterday and in short period later you discover that this person is not better than a public dog, a flirt, a cheat, a drug addict and what have you? An individual who doesn’t really care about your person, but is only interested in what he or she can get from you. Would you still say you’re in love with such a person? You’re simply within the ranks of infatuation.

It is better to remain and maintain a casual but godly relationship with a person you’re attracted to, until you have certified that the person is actually someone you could move with to a higher intimate relationship. At this point of casual relationship, you could point out what things you like or dislike in the person. This will help you decide whether to concretize the relationship or remain on casual level or make an absolute quit.

More so, real love is not just a feeling as many have mistaken it to be. It is much more than that. What then is Real Love? Many people including philosophers and theologians have tried to define this subject. But the Greeks seem to have a better meaning of it. For a better understanding of this subject, they made a clear distinction between romantic love (Eros) and real love (agape). It defines “Eros” as the passionate form of love, which includes all the elements of initial attractions and romantic phase of a relationship. This includes obsession, allure, passion and so on.

On the other hand, agape or real love is a kind of love that is demonstrated by two persons who deeply care about each other and who are mostly concerned about the welfare of each other. Agape is the mature and stable kind of love. It is solid, enduring and providing security. Real love is a decision to seek the good of another no matter the cost. Real love includes nurture, support, encouragement, acceptance, and companionship. These are things that count when it comes to building a lasting relationship, especially marriage. Real love must be allowed to flourish if you want to build your marriage on a solid foundation of commitment, acceptance, nurture and security.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)