Is Your Marriage Susceptible to Infidelity?
by Exploring reasons infidelity occur, How to become more aware of martial problems and emerging trends.
You never imagined infidelity would invade your marriage. The vows, time and effort you both pledged to offer has taken a back seat to the thrill and spontaneity of an affair. By the time suspicions are aroused, something has already gone awry. But how do you know if your relationship is vulnerable? Paying attention to your marriage is the first step and the telltale signs are always obvious. Where are your priorities? If any of your answers begin with Career, Children, Fitness or Friends, that’s your first indicator that your marriage is vulnerable. The harsh reality is that there are a lot of unsatisfying and empty relationships. We often forget the reasons we fell in love and become complacent. We place more emphasis on becoming successful in the public arena instead of our own home. Ask yourself, how much time are you willing to afford for a lifetime of love?
Many experts have explored the trends in marriage and infidelity and all statistics show that cheating has steadily increased over the years. Almost 50% of married women and 60% of married men engage in extramarital affairs. According to the renowned psychiatrist and infidelity researcher, Dr. Shirley Glass, “one of the predictors of affairs is opportunity,” and the Internet is a breeding ground for opportunity. It offers the freedom to take on a different persona and the latitude for all romantic fantasies. In her book, “NOT Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal,” Dr. Glass adds that emotional detachment and sexual disinterest are also indicators of a problem in the marriage. One spouse feels neglected and finds comfort in a friendship that blossom into an intimate relationship. Some of the characteristics to watch for are secrecy and depth of intimate sharing. Her website encourages spouses to partake in the vulnerability quiz.
Reasons behind Infidelity
The most important question about infidelity is Why? The reason behind infidelity is always a search for something we miss. Marriages start out with passion and close emotional ties that fade if not nurtured. Infidelity expert, Ruth Houston, discusses infidelity in detail on her website, Infidelity Advice and details the reasons that can help us predict if a relationship is susceptible. Ms. Houston says “The most frequently cited reasons for infidelity among men all relate to sex, while women cheat for emotional reasons.”
Reasons Men Cheat
- more sex (the desire for a more active sex life)
- sexual variety (a desire for different kinds of sex)
- opportunistic sex ( taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught)
Reasons Women Cheat
- a desire for emotional closeness and intimacy (someone caring to confide in and bond with on an emotional level)
- a desire for attention (wanting be the center of a man’s attention again)
- to reaffirm her desirability (To feel validated as a woman)
- to re-experience feelings of romance
- a desire to feel “special”
- boredom
- loneliness
- sexual excitement
Emerging Trends for 2008
Ruth Houston identifies more than a dozen emerging infidelity trends for 2008, which includes the following:
- A major increase in internet-aided infidelity
- A similar increase in workplace infidelity as a result of work spouse relationships
- Higher rates of infidelity among baby boomers
- Increased awareness of the seriousness of non-sexual forms of infidelity, such as cyber infidelity and emotional infidelity
- Greater recognition of the health hazards associated with infidelity
- Female infidelity will have an unexpected positive influence on men.
- An increase in infidelity-related products and services
- A corresponding increase in infidelity scams
- People will become savvier about recognizing and dealing with infidelity
- A return to using low-tech, no tech methods to catch a cheating mate
- Both men and women will become more proactive their approach to dealing with infidelity, but in totally different ways
- The “new” infidelity will result in more marriages between affair partners
The end result is that excuses for cheating can be rectified by understanding a problem exists. The road to a healthy marriage requires nurturing and if we recognize the warning signs of infidelity or what may be lacking in our relationships, we have the time and foresight to repair the issues.
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Post CommentInfidelityexpert
On May 9, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Here are 5 signs of cheating in marriage:
1. Your spouse is suddenly buying you more gifts and generally being nicer to you than usual:
After being married for some time, most couples slide into a particular pattern of behavior that is fairly consistent over time. For example, practices such as giving gifts to each other tends to happen at predictable intervals (e.g., birthdays and anniversaries), with the occasional surprise gift thrown in now and then. Your marriage is likely no different: by now, you basically know what to expect from your spouse in terms gifts and other niceties. So, if your spouse has recently started buying you gifts, bringing flowers, or acting overly nice or affectionate without any apparent reason, it is highly possible he or she is having an affair. This may sound counterintuitive, but it is actually a common phenomenon. Bottom line: a recent explosion in extra-nice or loving behavior from your spouse may be a manifestation of the guilt he or she is feeling about their illicit affair.
2. You feel that something just isn’t right, but may be afraid to admit it to yourself:
We humans have an amazing ability to sense when something just isn’t quite right. It is usually no more than a general feeling that something is wrong, even though the exact issue may not be clear. For example, you may have experienced the feeling in a public place that you were being watched, only to turn and see someone staring intently. This sixth sense or intuition that we all have can apply to our marriage, as well. If your spouse is having an affair, he or she may be acting subtly different in ways that you sense but cannot put your finger on. Trust your instincts and listen to your heart.
3. Your spouse is more irritable than usual and seems to pick fights:
Has your spouse been particularly grumpy lately? Does he or she seem to want to start a fight frequently? Of course, if there are obviously issues in their life, such as a lost job, economic hardship, or problems at work, these could easily explain away the irritability. But, if you cannot identify a particular cause of this strange behavior, your spouse may be unconsciously using their grumpy behavior as a way to distance themselves from you in order to lessen their guilt about an ongoing affair.
4. He or she has picked up new hobbies or habits seemingly out of nowhere:
If your husband or wife has recently started showing a sudden interest in s new hobby (e.g., tennis, square dancing, or playing checkers) – or if he or she has suddenly picked up a new style of music such as country or hip-hop – this could be a sign that they have a lover on the side. Reason: people in new relationships can be easily susceptible to picking up on the tastes of their new lovers, and they will not hesitate to express those tastes in all parts of their lives.
5. Your spouse is more critical of you than usual:
If your spouse seems to be on your back about seemingly everything lately, this could be a sign that something is amiss. Similar to their need to pick fights with you (see #3), spouses who are cheating try to play on the guilt they feel by justifying their actions through the putting down of their spouse (crazy and convoluted, but true).
If, after reading about these 5 signs of cheating in marriage, you have come to the conclusion that your spouse is cheating on you, you have some decisions to make. First, you need to decide whether you are going to confront your spouse about your realization. If you want your relationship to survive, at some point you are going to need to confront them about it.
Second, if you decide that your relationship is worth saving, you need to seek sound advice from a relationship expert about how to recapture the heart of your husband or wife. I know it can work, because this is what saved my marriage.
Infidelityexpert
On May 9, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Here are 5 signs of cheating in marriage:
1. Your spouse is suddenly buying you more gifts and generally being nicer to you than usual:
After being married for some time, most couples slide into a particular pattern of behavior that is fairly consistent over time. For example, practices such as giving gifts to each other tends to happen at predictable intervals (e.g., birthdays and anniversaries), with the occasional surprise gift thrown in now and then. Your marriage is likely no different: by now, you basically know what to expect from your spouse in terms gifts and other niceties. So, if your spouse has recently started buying you gifts, bringing flowers, or acting overly nice or affectionate without any apparent reason, it is highly possible he or she is having an affair. This may sound counterintuitive, but it is actually a common phenomenon. Bottom line: a recent explosion in extra-nice or loving behavior from your spouse may be a manifestation of the guilt he or she is feeling about their illicit affair.
2. You feel that something just isn\\\’t right, but may be afraid to admit it to yourself:
We humans have an amazing ability to sense when something just isn\\\’t quite right. It is usually no more than a general feeling that something is wrong, even though the exact issue may not be clear. For example, you may have experienced the feeling in a public place that you were being watched, only to turn and see someone staring intently. This sixth sense or intuition that we all have can apply to our marriage, as well. If your spouse is having an affair, he or she may be acting subtly different in ways that you sense but cannot put your finger on. Trust your instincts and listen to your heart.
3. Your spouse is more irritable than usual and seems to pick fights:
Has your spouse been particularly grumpy lately? Does he or she seem to want to start a fight frequently? Of course, if there are obviously issues in their life, such as a lost job, economic hardship, or problems at work, these could easily explain away the irritability. But, if you cannot identify a particular cause of this strange behavior, your spouse may be unconsciously using their grumpy behavior as a way to distance themselves from you in order to lessen their guilt about an ongoing affair.
4. He or she has picked up new hobbies or habits seemingly out of nowhere:
If your husband or wife has recently started showing a sudden interest in s new hobby (e.g., tennis, square dancing, or playing checkers) – or if he or she has suddenly picked up a new style of music such as country or hip-hop – this could be a sign that they have a lover on the side. Reason: people in new relationships can be easily susceptible to picking up on the tastes of their new lovers, and they will not hesitate to express those tastes in all parts of their lives.
5. Your spouse is more critical of you than usual:
If your spouse seems to be on your back about seemingly everything lately, this could be a sign that something is amiss. Similar to their need to pick fights with you (see #3), spouses who are cheating try to play on the guilt they feel by justifying their actions through the putting down of their spouse (crazy and convoluted, but true).