Comments on: Is Your Partner a Bully?

By: No Regrets

No Regrets — Tue, 10 May 2011 18:20:20 +0000

I am in a gay (m) relationship for 11 years, everything was fine. I had internet affairs and me a guy who was a regular. My partner found out kicked me out and I was fine with it. The problem is that we have adopted a girl who is now 6. He asked me to move back and try to work things out. I did, and I am trying. He became a gambler addict, stealing money to feed his addiction. In July he grabbed a chair and whacked me across the legs with it. I simply walked away. In January while I was laying on the couch he striked me across the face with his fist and I again simply walked away. He gets verbally abusive, name calling, etc. I don’t listen to him I just walk away. I have changed my way of communicating with people, b/c it seems like they blame me. I love him but not in love with him. I love my daughter a great deal, with all my heart, but he tells her I don’t. He always threatens to leave, and I don’t respond, he is an adult and he makes his own mind up. Part of the reason I think is that I use to give him all the control and now don’t reply to his wishes and it makes him mad. There is so much more to this story but who can be my online friend to talk?

By: Moonchild

Moonchild — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 02:18:08 +0000

So sad to read of your abusive relationships. There really is only one answer – you must get out! Seek out a womens shelter or call Lifeline and ask for advice. Make up your mind not to put up with it any more! Get out any way you can.

By: Teya

Teya — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 00:58:43 +0000

hi everyone. Ive been in a relationship for nearly four years now and i really cant cope anymore. At first it was perfect. He was so kind and loving and i just constantly wanted to be with him. Things werent good at home and my mum ended kicking me out, and so after only six months i moved in with him. (i havent spoke to my mum since really, and i dont plan to.)
A year into our relationship was the first time he hit me. He said how sorry he was and i believed him. We moved into our own place, thats when things become much worse, and basically where i am now. Im only 20 but i hate my life too much to bare!
I no longer have any friends as i wasnt alowed out with them and they have all drifted away. ive tried to get into contact with them, and have told a few whats happening, but none of them care.
we can go a week or so and be happy but it doesnt last any longer. Then im verbally abused, he takes my money, as im the only one working, i cant wear certain clothing, i cant go certain places, im not alowed my own door keys, and where he knows i have no one or no where to go he will black mail and tell me if i dont do this or do that then he will kick me out onto the streets and make me homless. His sprayed bleach into my eyes, left stragulation marks on my neck, brusied my ribs, hit me with a hockey stick, slapped me, threw me across the room by my hair, strangled me, and pinned me to the floor with a knife to my throat.
He likes to have control over me and tells me a womens place is to listen and be told what to, not the other way around, and i should be lucky i have someone like him as some men would have beaten me to a pulp. All i want is to be happy but i have absoloutlly no one to help me! I wish there was someone that could….

By: Help me asap

Help me asap — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 01:17:09 +0000

Hey ive been with my bf over 3yearz he always puts me down! I havnt had a gud relationship with my family as i have been in care most my life, and he always puts me down i am 18 and i am actuly considering ending my life i cant deal with it anymre! He nipz me,pun2hes me,kicks me, cals me,tramp,fat,ugly,at least my mum never put him in care, i honestly duno wot to do and its ovdr the smallest things, e.g i wanted my house keys to go hme and he wudnt gv me them, so he cald me a tramp infront of my cousin and shoved me i was left s4tting outside my front door step for an houre, e.g 2 if i dnt get him a drink he wil kick me, if i dont give him my fone he wil cal me names! Help i am cons4dering ending my life any advise any1? And i find it hard to end my relationship as it has been my longest i su7hed into love too soon plz help me!

By: Rach

Rach — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 13:48:29 +0000

my partner has crushed my confidence, i feel im going mad cos of all the things that are going round in my head, i know its my fault for letting it happen but i put up with it because i dont want to lose him. i wish he could respect me and all i do for him we are both 30 with 1 child we have been together 5 years and things are not getting any better.

By: mary

mary — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:17:53 +0000

hi im new on here i recently went on holiday with my bf and our 2 daughter,s and his 16 year old daughter and we went to the fair , i couldnt go on one of the fair rides as im a a chubby girl and have big boob,s wich stopped me going on there, so my bf took the mik out of me and basicly bullied me through the whole holiday even his daughter thought it was bad that some one who is supposed to love someone can be that cruel i am really angry and upset over this he has been like this for years now and i cant find the strengh to stop it , his ex threw him out because of his drinking and he left with nothing but he feels that he will take everything from me because of leaving his last relationship with nothing i have to children wich need all of the thing he wants to leave with but as he said all of its my falt any advice plz

By: sally dunbar

sally dunbar — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:29:25 +0000

my boyfriend puts me down when it\’s just me and him, he never does it infront of anyone.
if i say something and i haven\’t said the world correctly he will pick me up on it, when im cooking he watches over me to make sure im doing it properly he shouts at me for the least we thing.
He never does this infront of an outsider just infront of the kids, after a few hours i think it\’s me and i am mad, he also used to hit me but that stopped over a year ago but i still get scared when he shouts.I knw he\’s a good person and maybe i wind him up but this is really upsetting me

By: S Bunyan

S Bunyan — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:59:43 +0000

Sorry – that phrase should have read, ‘It’s NOT anger that causes abuse.’

By: S Bunyan

S Bunyan — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:57:14 +0000

There are so many abusive people about and so many victims.
The trouble is, these (abusive) people are so charismatic, aren’t they? you just don’t feel you could ever get ‘the rush’ with anyone else – the passion – the adreneline. So you go on just making one excuse after the other. She/he loves me really – just has a short temper / high expectations / stress at work / wrong time month / money worries / bad back / runny nose / broken nail (insert what you like) – and if ‘I’ didn’t annoy him/her so much – we’d be fine. Sound familiar?
So, you think, ‘I know, I’ll be extra good tomorrow – kind, attentive, loving – then we’ll get that warm, fuzzy, exciting ‘in love’ feeling back. I won’t SAY or DO ANYTHING to upset him/her.
In fact, I’ll walk on egg shells – I’ll walk on red hot nails if it pleases him/her – because deep down, he/she really loves me – if I can only measure up.
WISE UP! If you are on here asking these questions you are in an abusive relationship.
no-one EVER has to tip-toe around in a healthy r/s.
These people never change. IMO so-called ‘Anger Management’ courses are a waste of time. It’s anger that causes abuse – it’s abuse that causes anger. In other words – an abusive personality will use anger as a tool to CONTROL.
Educate yourselves. Google NPD, Bullies, Emotional Abuse.
Learn their tactics and GET FAR AWAY from them.
Let the wingnuts whirl in their own selfish universe. seriously.

By: dont want to be known incase she might read it

dont want to be known incase she might read it — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:17:52 +0000

Hi,
Looks like im the 5th guy here =)
Im in the same boat, I am 18 and my gf is no 18 and we have been together pushing 2.5 years and our relationship is absolutely perfect, until someone else annoys her, she doesn’t get her own way, she doesn’t feel good, she has a bad dream, she sees something she doesn’t like, etc. etc. etc… could go on forever.
At the moment she is currently mad at me because something she told me not to do about a year ago she been doing recently, ive tried hard not to do what she told me not to do and it was like a set rule that we didn’t do it, and now she’s told me she’s been doing it recently and I said to her being quite annoyed at the same time that she shouldn’t be doing it because she told me not to and all that. Im not sure how it happened bt she did some shouting and blaming me and apparently the rule didn’t really exist and I broke the rule before it existed etc. etc. etc. =S
Her attitude towards me was also “live with it” and “ur a guy, man up!” as if she doesn’t have to care about my feelings. I can’t have my own opinion unless it’s the same as hers then I’m allowed to have it. If I make a simple mistake that normal people do I get shouted at badly! Once I accidently got on a train that went to the next top on from my station because I was tired and I told her when I was on the phone and I just got a whole lot of “I can’t believe you”, “you’re and idiot” and some “well done, now you’ve got to pay more, wait longer bla bla bla”, I have a free pass anyways to my stop and the nice conductor let me use it to get home.
She got her phone stolen once, wasn’t a very cheap one I might add!, it got stolen as she left it on the table in the library and someone walked off with it by the time we got back, she was upset so I comforted her and I was the one who called up her phone company to get her contract changed onto a new SIM and get the old phone blocked for use. Didn’t shout at her saying it was her fault, didn’t say a nasty word to her at all apart from comfort her. I even said if this was me you would have killed me! And she agreed, to be honest if it was me I would try not to tell her because she would kill me!
I can’t do anything right, unless it’s done exactly how she wants it and even then I manage to balls is all up =(
I really do love her but it kills me inside =( and it makes it even harder that we currently have to live a long distance relationship. I really don’t want to end it with her as we have so much potential to go so far but yet she’s to stubborn, immature and controlling to admit she’s wrong, I have my own opinion and ways and that she can’t take out all her anger and aggression on me.
She knows me and cares about me most of the time, she puts in a lot of effort to get me really nice gifts and presents and I can’t afford the same but I work even harder for a little less and I really do try for her. Hence why I’m now on here trying to find some kind of help.

I don’t know what to do, it kills me inside when it’s like this =(
Any advice anyone?