Is Your Partner Afraid of Commitment?

Finding a soul-mate in life is not the easiest of processes. Those who are happily married or living together have probably forgotten or may not realise just how hard it can be to meet that special someone. Once found, it is not always a smooth path to happiness – what if your special someone shows reluctance to settle down and commit to a lifetime together? If you suspect that this is the case, then ask yourself the following questions.

Do they change the subject when the issue of settling down comes up?

If you are in the early stages of your relationship, then it probably isn’t a problem. You might be keen to settle down, especially if you are a woman and feel that your biological clock is ticking, but your partner may need more time to get used to the idea. Go easy, particularly on the subject of children and living together, which is always a life-changing decision. Hopefully you will find that, in time, they will change their mind. If you have been together for some time, then you need to consider the fact that your partner may never change their mind and decide where to go from there.

Are they unwilling to introduce you to their friends and family?

Again, it is no great surprise if you have not been together for long, but after a year or two, it is fairly natural to expect to have met your loved ones friends and family. In the case of my last serious relationship, my partner refused point blank to let me meet his parents, and when I finally did, it was by coincidence rather than planned. Even then, it was clear that he was embarrassed and not at all willing to let me build up a relationship with them. Needless to say, we are not together any more.

Do they want to spend lots of time alone?

Everyone needs space. Except for the first part of a love affair when a couple may want to spend every waking moment together, it is only natural to need time alone to see friends and family or to pursue a hobby. It doesn’t mean that your loved one is having an affair. However, if you are in a situation where you feel that your partner is increasingly spending less time with you, and is not able to give a straight answer to your questions, then there may be cause for concern.

Do they show more concern for their job than they do for you?

Most people have jobs and have to dedicate at least a part of their lives to ensuring that they get their work done. Some people are more committed to their jobs than others. In my case, my partner frequently worked 12 hour days, including weekends; this was the case right from the beginning of our relationship and so initially, I didn’t have a problem with this. But eventually, I realised that I was always going to come last and had to decide whether I was prepared to accept that.

If the answers to the above questions are positive, then there may be some cause for concern. Of course, everyone is different, depending on their situation, but I would argue that, if you are at a certain age and want to settle down but your partner is reluctant, you do need to look long and hard at your relationship and make some decisions. Are you, for example, prepared to compromise? Would you give up on the idea of children just so that you can stay with the person you love? Try to be as rational as possible when thinking things through. Remember that you are your own person and you do not have to stay in a relationship that, in the long run, may not make you happy. Breaking up may be painful, but then you are free to meet someone who is more suited to you.