Issue of Virginity on Marriage: is It (still) a Big Deal?
Is it a big deal if the bride is virgin or not?
Man’s virginity is not an issue at all, but a woman’s virginity is (still or sometimes) an issue in relation to marriage most especially among Asians and others who are more likely still inclined to conservative views regarding this matter. The same is true on the issue of a husband having a concubine(s) and on a wife who committed adultery (double-standard morality). Who is considered a virgin? Ask a guy and he will readily answer that a virgin woman is a one whose hymen is still intact or one who experience slight bleeding during her first sexual intercourse.
With this common notion of men, it goes to say that a man’s barometer of virginity is the hymen. And one common misconception among men is that – if the woman’s hymen is already ruptured, she can no longer be considered virgin. Or, when a woman doesn’t experience slight bleeding during her first sexual intercourse, she’s no longer a virgin and that she already have had previous sexual experience(s).
I conducted a personal survey among the youth regarding the issue of virginity on marriage. There were 150 adolescent male-respondents. The question goes like this – “If on the first night of your wedding, you find out that your newly-wed wife is no longer virgin, what are you going to do?” Are you going to leave her or stay? Why and why not?” And here’s what the result says; 138 or 92% of the respondents said they will leave their wife because they’re expecting their wife is still a virgin. Only 12 or 8% said they will stay and said that hopefully they will learn to accept the situation and 2 of the 8% insisted to ask their respective wives who devirginize them.
Although there’s a rapid increase on the numbers of teen-agers engaging in sex and despite the liberal or westernized ways (e.g. clothes, music, foods, sexual preference, etc) of Filipino male adolescents, they still have a high regard on woman’s virginity in relation to marriage.
In fairness to women, men should take note that hymen is not the sole manifestation of their being virgin. Any woman is considered a virgin as long as she has not been engage in a sexual activity. Some women will not experience slight bleeding during their first sexual intercourse because their hymen might have been already ruptured due to some reasons. Causes of ruptured hymen may be brought about by accidents, biking, horse back-riding and other strenuous activities like gymnastics, karate-do and many others.
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User Comments
Unofre Pili
On December 26, 2008 at 5:29 am
This is interesting bro. I would still prefer a virgin bride…but, if love is there …no worries.It’s ok.
CHAN LEE PENG
On December 26, 2008 at 6:57 am
I agree to Unofre Pili. Good work!
papaleng
On December 26, 2008 at 7:59 am
I agree with you Onofre in some ways.. but on a biblical context the purity of a woman counts a lot.
papaleng
On December 26, 2008 at 8:16 am
Bro, sensya na sa comment ko mali ata nailagay kong name.
Christine Ramsay
On December 26, 2008 at 9:11 am
A thought provoking argument. What about asking the women?
Johaubannah
On December 26, 2008 at 9:41 am
This is a great article. Well, maybe before a couple make a commitment they should be honest to each other at first. Then they will see if the love is pure. I believe in Virginity is the most important to most of the men. I just wish those men who are not ready to go and marry a woman should respect the women.
The Quail
On December 26, 2008 at 10:48 am
A thought provoking argument.Great article.
Alexa Gates
On December 26, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Very interesting
Juancav
On December 26, 2008 at 2:34 pm
The couple must discuss and implement the rules of the game, before getting married, do not forget that the state of being married is a gift, which do not have this vocation, should not be married to have children whose parents separated and trauma behind them.
AC Hamilton III
On December 26, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Thanks for sharing a balanced approach, but I would say: what about the women and their thoughts on the subject? Should she leave if he is not a virgin? It is difficult to know with a man, except perhaps the discovery may come after marriage through information by another. Mostly, I agree with others who have already stated that the couple should openly and honestly discuss this before the marriage. To me, the reason to leave would be more about the dishonesty than the lack of virginity.
Eunice Tan
On December 26, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I agree with Papaleng and AC Hamilton III. Honesty is important in this issue.
Marli Diz
On December 26, 2008 at 9:51 pm
you know what i see in other men i’ve seen..them lie, cheat, steal..
They’re babaerros!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They’re the ones who wants to poke us….
They’re the ones whom take us for granted & manipulate us!!
They’re the ones who seldom speak verbally ..causing us to be
easily vulnerable to words they speak..leaving us hurt w/
Mental, Physical, & Emotional, & SEXUAL abuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOok who’s the one saying that they’ll leave their wives if they’re not VIRGINS!!! BUT, do that give them a RIGHT to
Do whatever..and doesn’t matter if they’re virgins or not..
like as in is ok?? u call that fair…??????
………………………………………….
im sorry.
James DeVere
On December 26, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Hello Norbert – thanks for the article. Provocative.
In Australia we have a lot of, “femenist refugees,” from Asia. The women come here and realise that the issues raised matter nought. Women in Australia can have a respected career, choose whoever they want and don’t have the morality and judgements that apply to your nation. They are free!
I would love to see the same survey done here. A good read on the subject is the, “S.C.U.M Manifesto,” by Valerie Solanis ( 1967 ) the dark horse of Femenism who tried assasinating Andy Warhol. You cannot get a copy – it would be out of print – but parts are available online.
Well, thanks for the write – j
lanne
On December 26, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Good observations:
“(e.g. clothes, music, foods, sexual preference, etc) of Filipino male adolescents, they still have a high regard on woman’s virginity in relation to marriage.”
I think that the word expectations…not regard should be used.
I am glad that I am not a female in a society where 92% of men would leave their bride on their wedding day if they assumed that the woman was not “up to their standards” After all, a woman has the right to expect the same things from a man. Unfortunately though all she has to go by is his word.
R.B. Parsley
On December 27, 2008 at 12:04 am
Nobert,
This is interesting. I didn’t know that the youth of today still held virginity in such high regard. It seems wherever you look, in magazines, T.V. movies, billboards, advertising, and music, sex is all around us. Its good to know that some of our young people are very level headed. Great article, Nobert!
Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!
Randy
Anna Ski
On December 27, 2008 at 8:24 am
Where the female specie is considered the weaker sex there is a sense of discomfort and who you can trust. A woman is not safe out doors alone or with another female friend, also she is not wary of what she may come across if she is the wrong place at the wrong time. This is being cautious.
Muslim women don’t go anywhere, they stay home, clean, cook and look after there own beliefs. At a young age a part of her is cut off by the doctor at the order of her parents beliefs. That part is the one that she enjoys sex.
She’s considered an iron board! Just do her when the hubby feels like it.
She just lays there, no ah, no nothing! If they believe in god so much, why this?
The western world just do away. Enjoy it while your being served.
The next day you think about it.
A couple enjoy it three plus times a week.
A married couple have there days and moments and kids so it’s kind of harder to do it.
At forty plus, I’m not telling, you’ll find out when you get there!
Just make sure you’ve got a good partner.
“Virginity is like a balloon, one prick, and it’s gone!”
PR Mace
On December 27, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Very interesting subject. I have been married twice. My first marriage I was a virgin. My husband turned into a demon and we had a very bad marriage. So much for being a virgin. My second husband and I have been married for almost 27 years and we have two adult children and three granddaughters. I was not a virgin, non was he when we got married and we have a wonderful marriage. So you can just never tell.
MMV Abad
On December 28, 2008 at 5:08 am
Interesting topic. Most male wanted their bride to be pure, I mean as a virgin… without any sexual experiences but what about women? I bet they also wanted their groom to be a virgin.
As the saying goes “Lucky is the man to be a woman’s first but luckier is the woman to be the man’s last.”
You see? Its very unfair for a woman to be judged for not being a virgin on her wedding night. Her groom could had slept with his previous girlfriends before realizing he wanted to marry a pure woman.
Love this article of yours, Nobert. Promise.
eddiego65
On December 28, 2008 at 10:19 pm
A very controversial topic. Although the bible emphasized the purity of a woman, but if a man truly loves a woman, he will love her for who she is, including her past.
sk24
On June 4, 2009 at 11:03 am
I agree with eddiego65,i do not believe that a woman must be a virgin for her to marry the man she loves….if there is love and devotion for each other between them, then virginity shouldnt be an issue!!
angel
On July 11, 2009 at 6:09 am
I guess this could be fair. If men start demanding as if they were god, they better be prepared to provide in the same way.
Im a woman and I know my virginity belongs to me. Men should not own me. When you have a daughter you’ll understand that women are not objects.
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