Let’s Come Out

Let us talk intimately as never before. Feel my intentions, forget the words. I think I know who you are. I have dreams; impressions folded into my sleeping consciousness that tell me about you. of course, in relationship to myself.

You can tell me I’m wrong, but I must continue to trust my impressions that come this way, unbidden, unasked for; they are the candle in my dark night.

First, it is not you I would free from your own dark night; it is myself I free, and this from illusions; for I weave them. I will not say you do. I will say it is human nature and not bad, not good, but not bad, certainly not.

If you choose to reveal your true name to only me, it stops here. I tell no one for what would it gain me? I desire happiness for you. and of course, like I said, my happiness is in looking out for number one. Me. We free each other truly, if there is honesty and fearlessness, then we find rest in our souls.

I lied. I told you I didn’t like or dislike anyone or anything, when you asked if there was something in that ditty you sent to me, which you called inspirational writing. I didn’t feel right with it. It felt childish. I didn’t want to hurt you, so I lied by finding favor with it, here and there.

It is difficult to communicate with someone you’ve never met, to determine what they want exactly from you. Your opinion? what does it matter? In one part of my mind you’re simply someone who asked for my phone number on the internet. And what an idiot, I gave it to you. Now, I may have to change the number for my impulsiveness.

In this other part of my mind, I speak to you as if you are exactly who I think you are, from the dream impression. Would you be at all interested to know how the symbols and impressions come in?
It seems you are only interested in expressing your own symbols and impressions and interpreting them as you will with no help from me, or anyone.
But I’m not here to blame or cast guilt on anyone, nor myself. So you may try to find guilt in me and point it out, but it’s too late, for I am the only one who can do that most efficiently my self.
Your opinion of me, good or bad or indifferent is none of my business, and you may agree with this philosophy as part of your own.

However, the impression in dream state came with your energy signature on it. Three times my dreams were interupted with your energy signature, and an impression that you were going to email me.
Several times. Which you did. You give yourself away, as if you wanted me to know, it was you; and how sad, that we have to talk to one another through dream state only, and the ridiculous internet, where I cannot see your eyes, hear your voice and have your physical presence in full view, so that there is not this doubt all the time.

You give yourself away; that’s what I wanted to talk about in a positive vein.
So that you know this about yourself, what is a good thing about you. You give yourself away, because people do not generally email me asking me my opinion about anything.

They have no purpose in doing that. Therefore, sniff, sniff, it’s him again. It’s you. Plus the dream where it is that you and I use that invisible telegraph system in the sky to get over our messages.

If we face each other, truly, face to face, we shall end each other’s, shall I say torment? For it was your own word. So think about it; I’m sure you are a brave soul, I’m sure it wouldn’t bother me either.
Yet be assured, my intentions in meeting you physically have no ulterior motives.
I’ve lost all ulterior motives. I am read like an open book by all. Everybody likes me. Everybody calls me sweetie. It’s great. You’ll like me too. There may be some fear on your part, because you have perhaps a fantasy about me. Perhaps you’d like to get closer.

It probably won’t happen I’m sorry to say. the way that you are thinking, but we could end up being good friends, who knows? Isn’t it better to have a forever best friend, than a passionate brief love affair? I think so.

Then see, you can release the torment you spoke of and I will help you. You will enjoy the freedom from that. I knew I could release you, that day I saw you walking away from me towards your car. It bothered me only that you didn’t say hello to me. One word would have changed everything.

First, or is this second? I am grateful for your appearance in my life. It boosted my confidence in myself to brush up against you. Now the gratitude is replaced by concern, but even that will disappear, should we decide to meet. The concern is because I cannot get what I want from you. Your face in my face. Your eyes looking into my eyes.

The risk we both take in doing this is to say, there is no gain, without a risk factor. For then we would know, our dreams hold a clue to our reality, in a way that these words on the internet, for all these years do not.

It is the dreams I study. I do not study you as I once did. I have moved on, but still it would be nice to be friends and stay friends.

It was not so much studying you as partaking of your artistry, seeing the perfection of that. Enjoying it.

It’s ok to announce to me who you are; I would not be able to forsake you, or else I would have to renounce your incredible works of art, and I couldn’t do that.

You gave yourself to the world, even as I do at this time in my life, happily and joyfully, I give my all. It seems to me, even should I have had a fantasy of you being in my life, it would not work, as where I am now, I am needing to be. I am growing here, but I would cease to grow in your world. This is how I feel. Let me continue with my message about you now. You gave your all. You should pat yourself on the back, and forgive yourself the things you did, in order to make these works of art and give them away.
The energy you gave forth with came back to you in the form of another type of energy; money.

Money is neutral; it’s not evil. You might have done things differently if you had it to do all over again. Based on your prevailing awareness at the time, you did what you did and could not have done it differently.

Just knowing this, another life journey will have you avoiding some of the pitfalls you may have encountered, so the experience is what counts.

It is no use to feel guilty then, but sometimes it is necessary to apologize to a few people who got run over; then you set yourself free, and make them feel better also. It’s just the way of love.

I refer to people in your trade, at the top. Johnny Cash wrote a song late in life. The lyrics are somber, soul shattering. He says, oh my sweet friend, what have I done? He was apologizing to someone.
Then he says if I had it to do over again, I would keep myself, I would find a way.

Remember, when people give of themselves so totally to their profession, to the world, they can lose themselves in their work, and family and friends suffer the consequences. This is what I feel Cash was talking about, that there were certain things his public, or the people he worked with, asked of him and against his better judgment, perhaps at the expense even of his partner’s affections, he gave in..not often, but too many times for his peace of mind. And so another piece of art was created, to remind us, we must strive to keep our values intact, despite the picture that others can paint for us looks good, insofar as money or prestige, you really cannot give up your self, just for the glory of it all.

Glory, is certainly short lived around here, I think you will admit.

Now it is, that you do not like who you were; you will not even let a fan tell you of your gifts of that person that you hide from me, with that famous name and none other.

You withhold yourself from me this way. So I will not ask of course. You’ve given me enough.
The music is enough; it was all I was attracted to in the first place; all that I wished to talk about.
I had the strangest fantasy we could do some music together. I know that’s not possible.

Too much shit has hit the fan to consider that. But not too much shit to attempt the friendship thing, face to face, for I am weary of the words between us are never quite enough and lead to nothing of import, at least on my part. Rather I feel I waste my energy with words on paper to you, and certainly your words to me, are working against you. Your internet persona does not fit with your artistry..Your artistry is grand!

your personality is intellectually not compatible with my own belief systems. But again, there’s no reason we couldn’t spend a few hours together happily, and enjoy each other’s company in spite of our differences.

We simply allow each other space to be fully and naturally ourselves. We might have so much fun, we’d want to repeat the occasion. The objective, in the first meeting is simply to cease the hide and seek game.

The 2nd meeting is dependent on the outcome of the 1st meeting. You already know I am not spinning a web for you, and whatever web you may have for me, it couldn’t possibly be any worse than the webs I’ve gotten tangled in previously! So I’m not afraid, and I’m not afraid of your name. A truly spiritual person wants only the best for all others, to be assisting all others within reason, within principle of right action; meaning you can assist without bending over, condescending, or lying.