Long Distance Relationship Survival

When I first got involved with someone I met at a wedding in Dubai, he was living in London and I was in Australia. When we decided we were in a ‘relationship’, I was given kindly advice from friends with sympathetic eyes and a tone that said all to clearly ‘you poor girl, this is never going to work and I’m just waiting to pick up the pieces’. I decided that it was going to work and had one of the most productive and exhilarating years of my life.

There are different categories of long distance relationships, those that are an hour or two away by either car or plane and result in the reunion of partners every weekend (or thereabouts) and there are those with two people in a relationship perhaps interstate or in neighbouring countries so seeing each other once every few weeks is probably more likely. Then there are those that happen from the opposite sides of the globe. The Big Daddy of all long distance relationships. I am a survivor of the latter of these.

The very rare catch ups are full of frantic excitement and precision planning so as not to waste one single moment. A week, maybe two spent full of lust driven moments and savouring each others every pubescent sounding giggle only to end with the inevitable depressing farewell and immediately resumed planning and excitement for the next all too far away dalliance.

It’s a mouse wheel of emotions to be on, but fear not. There are ways to survive this situation without feelings of despair and playing hostess to your own pity party.

It’s actually a great time to form a beautiful friendship with your partner and build on your feelings for each other. While you’re apart, you get the chance to really know each other and inevitably, you end up talking about what you really want out of life and ultimately (gulp) the future. It’s one of those few free pass times in life when there is often little awkwardness in discussing your thoughts and feelings on big things like marriage and children. But take heed, these conversations come only after a time when it is clear that the relationship can work, even though there might be a distance between you that before heading off, Superman would need a good nights sleep and a packed lunch to make.

Here’s a simple guide to survival:

• You must trust each other implicitly. The situation will absolutely not work if this relationship fundamental isn’t there and there is doubt at play. The distance will probably spur on insecurities so either resolve this immediately or walk away and save yourself the pain.
• Spend your time with friends. Girls and guys who party to your own particular flavor. Whether that be casual drinks, hard nights out or hanging with families, get out there and lap up time with your friends. No one likes those people who are so wrapped up in a relationship that you never get to see them… this way, you’re seen as the hero who is so level-headed, you can do it all (even though there is little choice let’s face it)!
• Exercise and live well. There’s nothing more inspiring than looking good for your partner when you see them and this can involve a series of detoxes, exercise regimes and good living in the lead up to your next reunion. Good for the body, good for the soul. You’ll feel on top of the world.
• Live YOUR life. Do all the things that you’ve ever wanted to do just for you. Indulge in your own interests. When this relationship lasts and someone decides to make a move, there is a lot less ‘me’ time (which you don’t really mind). I did everything from go clay pidgeon shooting, renovated two houses, took piano lessons, meditation and yoga courses and joined a yachting crew. I could never have done that with my partner around, even though I would have loved him there.
• Don’t bark on the phone. If you’ve had a bad day, try and put it behind you before you speak, skype or whatever your particular mode of communication is. This isn’t about playing a peaches and cream 50’s couple on the phone and not sharing the lows along with the highs. Just be mindful that your conversations are the last thing your partner has to hold onto you and as a result, is their most recent impression of you.
• Flirt. Human nature dictates that people want what they can’t have. You can’t have each other right now and there is never a more alluring time to drive your partner crazy with anticipation of your next ‘meeting’. 

So as a survivor, if you’re in it right now I know there’s considerable pain. The idea is to minimize it and live an amazing life until who knows what happens. I now live with my partner on the other side of the world – yes, I moved after a year when I was ready and finished what I wanted to do in the city I was living in. We know each other so well and now know we can get through pretty much anything. Believe me, it can be done. So if your friends are gently patting your back and asking in low comforting tones how ’so and so’ is and if ‘you’ve heard from them lately’, just show them your incredibly high phone bill, amazing resume of new interests and passport ready to go for your next amazing romantic getaway.