Lost Love: Are You Still Into Him?

He was your best friend, your confidante, your one and only, the love of your life.  Let’s face it, when it came to you, he was light years above the other men.  He was the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.  He dated you, bought you gifts, shared himself with you, comforted you in your lonely hours, and made you laugh.  In short, he treated you like a queen.

Then, it happened.  He met another woman.  Then you found out they knew each other from way back when.  Worse, he had secretly been courting her while he was still seeing you.  OK, admittedly, you knew all along that there was another woman in the picture.  Even though he respected you and your relationship enough not to flaunt her in your face, you knew things didn’t always add up.  You knew one plus one did not always equal two. 

He finally chose her over you; he said he wanted out, and you knew you did.  So, what did you do?  Why, of course you did the honorable thing.  You made the only decision you could have in such a situation.  You decided to step aside.  After all, the other woman already had him, and you had to save your pride.

You never heard from him again.  Years later, you wonder, ‘are they still together?’  ‘Is he still with her?’  You wonder what your life would have been like if you two hadn’t broken up.  Would your love have blossomed into a more mature relationship?  Could it possibly have ended in marriage?  You say to yourself, ‘I don’t care; I’m over him anyway.’  But just how much of that is true?  

Then you say, ‘sure I think about him occasionally, I remember all the great times we shared.  But does that mean I’m still into him?’  Then you say, ‘no way, I’ve moved on and I definitely don’t want him back.  He had begun to change anyway, and I seriously doubt we could ever get back what we had.’  To make things worse, you don’t currently have a man in your life.  You miss him, terribly, and you wonder if he still thinks of you, at least some of the time.  You wonder if he still thinks you’re special.  Or you might say to yourself, ‘he wasn’t that bad, and maybe he and his other woman have split up by now.’

If you’re really honest with yourself, you’re divided.  A part of you still wants him, even if only secretly.  Or maybe you’re just lonely because you don’t have anyone else.  In either case, the best thing you can do for yourself is to let bygones be bygones.  You’ve already been hurt by this guy once.  Want to go for a second serving?  Someone once said, ‘fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.’ 

It’s alright to reflect on the great relationship you two once shared.   Reflecting on a ‘lost love’can be very rewarding and very fulfilling.  Such memories can be especially comforting when we’re lonely.  But don’t be lulled into thinking history will repeat itself.  You’re better than him.  So set your sights on other men.  You may find that once you open up your heart and mind, other men will see you in a different light.  They may finally see you for the wonderful, attractive woman you are.