Love and Pain

When my friend said that to me, it struck me, because she had just put into words something that i had almost subconsciously been feeling and thinking that very evening. I know that i was tired and a bit down, and both of those things mean that i was more prone to feeling a bit dramatic and emotional and irrational. Nevertheless as i went to bed, i had this question in my mind – “is the risk of pain too great to make loving someone worth it?”

As you read this, i hope you don’t assume this is going to be a soppy romantic post. Well depending on your definition of soppy, it might be anyways. As for romantic – don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be negative about romantics! I have been called one myself – and definitely some of my best friends (you could be reading this right now! ) are! But when i talk about love and pain, i’m not just referring to “romantic” love. I’m talking about the friendship kind as well. If only we had four words for love, like they do in Greek. Or the three Hebrew words. But no, this is English, and we just have that one simple four letter word…to describe a whole world of emotion.

The subject of pain in love is a common one for songs, i think, and so i guess it’s natural (remembering also my love for song lyrics!) that when i think about this whole idea, several snippets of songs come to mind. *

Simon&Garfunkel have a great song called “I am a Rock”. If you don’t know the songs, or have never read the lyrics, you may be deceived (as i was originally) and think it’s some kind of inspirational song. Quite the opposite – bitter and sad and very effective. A line in the song says ‘if i never loved i never would have cried’ and the song finishes ‘…and a rock feels no pain; and an island never cries.’ Is it better to feel no pain? To avoid it, to be a cold, hard rock; a lonely island, a law unto oneself?

Or, as the U2 song ‘One step closer to knowing’ says, ‘Well the heart that hurts is a heart that beats’ ? In other words – or at least, as i understand it! – it’s healthy to feel pain. If you rearranged that line, it could say “unless your heart experiences pain, it”s not really alive’. There’s another U2 song, called “A man and a woman” that says ‘You can’t be numb for love, the only pain is to feel nothing at all…’