Love Notes: Relationship Advice

Dear LoveNotes

I’ve been with my husband for 4 years and even though I don’t know why, I love him. He’s never hit me, but he has roughly grabbed and shook me. He has also verbally abused me. His apologies are swift abd sincere, I guess that is why I forgive him. I also know that sometimes I ask for it and deserve it. I look at my friends and I sometimes wish I had their relationships, but most of my friends say that their relationships are simular even if I don’t see it. Is this normal. My question is: should I leave my relationship and find someone who treats me better or is this the way it truly is and should I just make him understand how I feel

Shaken not Stirred, Mahwah New Jersey

Dear Shaken Not Stirred,

No, it is not normal for a woman to be mentally, verbally or physically abused. Don’t ever let anyone make you believe that and I know deep inside you know that to be true. I’ve never been one to tell a person to leave a relationship if there was hope to save it, but you need to be true to yourself. A real man will not treat you that way and would never cause you that kind of pain. An apology doesn’t make it right and doesn’t repair the damage that he causes every time he degrades you and/or verbally abuses you. I say leave him because next he will be hitting you and Im sure you don’t want that.

Dear LoveNotes

My boyfriend is everything I could have dreamed of. He’s handsome, supportive, has a good job, and most importantly is loving and caring. My trouble is that when it comes to sex, he just doesn’t satisfy me. I’ve never climaxed with him and I sometimes swear he is just there to fill his quota. He says our sex life is fine so I guess his definition and his definition of “fine” are very different. I sometimes find myself fantasizing about other people like this guy from my job. Im confused and could use some advice.

No Climax Jane, Queens, New York

Dear No Climax Jane,

Sex is important to any relationship but if everything else is right, then appreciate what you have. Sex can be worked on. Go to a sex therapist if you must, or keep trying to find different ways to enhance your sex life. It seems to me that you need to talk about your feelings and share a dialogue. Don’t hold back. Let him know exactly how you feel, but if you can, be sensitive to his feelings. No man wants to feel like a failure…and you don’t want his insecurity to continue to effect future sexual experiences. Tell him what you like and what you don’t and have him do the same. Try new things and teach him how sexually crazy you can get if he pleases you. I wish you two luck because it sounds like you actually have a lot of love as the foundation of your relationship.