Loveless Love

 Being married to someone you love is priceless. Love doesn’t come everyday for everyone. You could catch it if you are at the right time and at the right place. Mutual love is even harder to find. We all know that one-sided love will never last. Unfortunately, many of us couldn’t even have a chance to be in love or to smell and taste the sweetness of love.

For some people, there are many reasons for getting married as the followings:

• For companionship,
• As part of “to-do” list,
• Time to get married,
• As the “right” thing to do,
• Peer pressure (because everybody is doing it),
• The “baby clock” is ticking (many women believe that they should have their first child before the age of thirty-five.)

Not too long ago, I met a friend on the street and she told me she has been busy. She used “very busy” and not just “busy.” When I asked, she replied with a frown on her face, and her exact words were: “I have to get myself married. All my friends are either married or getting married. The guy I am seeing seems to be nice and I think he should be a good husband and father.” I was speechless at that moment. I had to digest what she said in silence. I really wish her the best of luck.

Many told me they got married for companionship and hopefully, the “love” would develop later in time. They are lonely. They are terrified of being alone. Without doubt, loneliness is hard to bear. However, being trapped in a wrong or in a loveless marriage is even worse. Facing a person that you don’t love, to me, it’s a terror. It’s one kind of emotional self-abuse. Imagine that you have to come home (after a long day after work) every single night to the same person that you feel empty inside. Just the thought of it depresses me. Moreover, marriage is not for everyone.

In regard to companionship, being married without love is as living with a roommate (except for sharing a same bed). The only difference is in marriage, you are obligated to your spouse in term of sharing house choirs, financial responsibilities, and most of all you are obligated to start a family. Why having children when you feel nothing to your spouse?

Experiencing the loveless bond between parents would be a disaster to the children. Some people think that as long as kids can receive love from each parent, they are fine. In reality, that’s certainly not enough. They are longing to see the touch, the pat on the shoulder, and the kiss that prove the existence of love between their parents. They need to see the love expressed by their parents in order to feel safe and complete.

Children could save the marriage for a little longer; but the bond is definitely not strong enough to sustain the marriage until “death do us part.” For the sake of their children, many couples are willing to stay together. That’s mainly the act of responsibility. Marriage is like a contract. However, when this kind of contract and commitment becomes the only basis for the relationship, the marriage is basically over.

Love is all. It takes time and effort for couple to build their marriage foundation; but love is the main ingredient, the core for maintaining a healthy and stable relationship. Without the existence of love, there is nothing left in the relationship.