Maintaining Individuality in Relationships

Dating is something that requires more than dumb luck and attraction. Operating purely on chemistry is a crapshoot; trying too hard is obvious. Like many things in life, it is a balancing act that requires constant give and take, especially if you are becoming a “couple” with a full-blown relationship on the horizon.

The early stage of dating is a curious one for sure. Both parties do their very best to project the best image possible and do things that they think the other will like. It is important to remember, however, that you are an individual; setting the bar too high can lead to disappointment in the future. Conversely, not trying at all conveys a lack of interest to your potential significant other.

Naturally, the question arises: How do you maintain individuality and a relationship at the same time? The answer is not a simple one, that’s for sure.

Relationships are all about compromise, right? Wrong! Compromising too much leads to resentment, and is the ultimate killer of relationships. Giving up too much early on in your relationship will usually come back to haunt you. The get-togethers you decided not to attend, friends’ birthday parties, etcetera-if you forego the things you really want to do because you don’t want your boyfriend or girlfriend to feel left out, you ultimately end up feeling left out, as you have alienated yourself from your own friends.

Think back to the original reason you were interested in this individual. Besides their looks or how they smelled, what truly made you want to be with them? Was it his self-assuredness, or her independence and strength? Do your best to keep these things in mind when delving into your relationship. It is healthy to maintain our individuality, because this is what more than likely inspired someone else to take interest in us, and us in them. If you remove these traits through compromise, then you really are not the same people you were when you started dating.

This is not to say that you should never compromise or be unwavering. Relationships are not stasis; things change regularly in relationships, just like everything else in life. However, don’t lose touch with yourself completely. Make sure you and your significant other regularly visit with your own friends on your own time. Give each other a bit of breathing room. Continue playing guitar or fishing or shopping with your friends, whatever “hobby” you like to participate in. By all means, maintain your “you time.”

Some people worry that this “you time” will lead to less time together overall. However, this time apart will only strengthen your time together, thus making it quality time, rather than time spent together. In all, you will find that both you and your partner will eventually realize that too much of anything is not good, and a natural balance between the two of you will easily be located.

Individuality is what urges on our attraction to one another from the beginning of a relationship. Maintaining this sense of individuality is of paramount importance when it comes to keeping the spark alive. Giving yourself and your partner a bit of their own time will foster trust and prevent resentment from building up. Remember: too much of anything is never good.