Making Together But Apart Work for You
by People often assume that when two people are in a committed relationship, the obvious next step is to move in or even get married. But more and more often, long term couples are proving that they are just as happy living apart.
Quite often when people have been a long term relationship, the aftermath can be devastating and it’s really hard to start trusting anyone again. It feels like your mind is set forever in a way of being that keeps you separated emotionally from everyone else.
But even if another live-in relationship might be the last thing you wish to contemplate, it seems many couples are opting for the next best thing, and finding it works just as well.
Jenny and Ian met at their kids’ nursery and chatted for months before Ian got the courage to ask her for a coffee. Both had been left heartbroken by the end of their marriages and had rock bottom self confidence. After a year, though, Ian wanted to give living together a go; Jenny’s courage failed her at the last minute and she backed out.
Both partners agreed it would be too upsetting for their children to go through a break up all over again by setting up house then realising it was a mistake, and so they decided to work around the kids’ needs. They would get together as a big family at weekends, arranging sleepovers and letting the kids get to know each other gradually.
They progressed to holidays as a family, relaxing and having fun and having plenty of time to get to know each other without daily life getting in the way.
The best thing about this close relationship means both partners still have their space and time just with their own children. ”It also means Ian and I really look forward to our special time together and do dating just like when we first met. It keeps the whole relationship fresh.”
Ian also enjoys the arrangement, although he says other people can be surprised that they have no plans to move in together. ”A lot of people assume a joint mortgage is the next stage in a relationship, but Jenny and I like things as they are and see no reason to change. The only thing I regret is I have two lots of DIY to do!”
Jenny and Ian agree that they may well take on a house together in the future, but that would be when their children are much older. For now, the children are the priority, and they benefit from their extended new family in so many ways.
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