Marital Blizzard

Marriages are made in heaven, they say, and divorces brewed in the cauldron of insecurity. But when you come to think of it, nobody prepares you for the aftermath of the nuptials! No one ever warns you of the pitfalls and the lurking arguments, or the patience you need when your bitter half is taking longer than he should in the bathroom, on the very day you have an early appointment. No one ever tell you how to deal with the spread of the warm glow of love on a balmy day that erupts into an inferno of accusations and ‘I told you so’s…’ and the passionate, lingering, apologizing after that, which kind of makes up for the hurt.

In my time, the courtship days were spent waiting impatiently till you got to talk to or meet your beau. We never had the curse of the cell phone in our time, or the convenience of the STD. Booking a ‘Trunk call’ was an ordeal. ‘Ordinary, Urgent or Lightning Call, Madam?’ the voice at the other end would ask. Not being able to afford the (5-15minutes of waiting before you get connected) luxury of the ‘Lightening call,’ one always said ‘Ordinary’ and waited in anticipation for the next one hour near the lone phone at the girls hostel. How those 60 minutes would drag! And would be fruitfully spent in writing love sick poems and letters. I spent an entire evening consoling myself and alternately dribbling explosive expletives and throwing pillows at ‘his’ picture, over a matter that we laugh about today. I had taken the trouble of writing a long poetic letter to him and written it in a spiral fashion on an A4 sheet of paper. It took a really long time to infuse it with lovelorn embellishments and then I wrote a PS at the back of the envelope: ‘PS: sweetheart, this is a labour of love from me. And please don’t mind, but my spellings are atrocious!’

Pat came the reply, from my stickler- for- perfection ‘sweetheart,’ that also had a PS……. ‘PS: darling, the spelling of atrocious was wrong.’ Booo Hoooo!

Today, of course, I would handle the situation very differently. But today, of course, he would never send a ‘PS’ like that! Now that life has come a full circle and its time for the young ones to embark on this adventurous trail, what advice do I give them? Always be soft and gentle with your partner? Give back as good as you get? Don’t ever leave an argument simmering overnight? Don’t let the baggage of a previous incident carry forward into the current argument or you will lose yourself in the murky marsh of hurt and disappointment?

Or do I tell them what an octogenarian full spirited aunt of mine told us at my niece’s bridal shower? With the most serene expression in her wise eyes she said ‘Always say yes darling to everything he says, and then go ahead and do exactly as you please!’