Marriage: Clash of Civilizations
by The feistier part of happily ever after.
“I don’t want to be locked up! Why can’t we go for a walk?”
“We need to go to the gym. I’ll come get you.”
“No! It’s too pretty outside to be trapped in white lighting.”
The above ridiculous argument is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and not even much in terms of marriage, but it’s significant in the opportunity. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
My husband and I have a little battle we engage in from time to time on how our evening will go. When we’re planning and plotting fun activities, it’s smooth sailing. But on evenings reserved for exercising, it’s like a clash of civilizations with us. He loves it. I need variety.
So yesterday, when the bell rang after round one and we each pouted in our corner, I got to thinking: What is this debate about? Well, it wasn’t about exercise, that’s for sure. How could it be? In the end, we were both happy to get our bodies in motion–just not in the same locale.
As a no-kid household, the chances of ending up with different evening plans are much higher than homes with little ones. So it occurred to me the argument may well have been about wanting to be together–not necessarily during the exercising portion, but a guarantee of togetherness afterwards.
Suddenly the griping seemed absurd.
Our emotions are sometimes so tangled that we don’t see the obvious need behind them. We weren’t angry, we were anxious. And the anxiety was unwarranted. All we had to do was understand the fueling need and satisfy it.
I ended up walking to the Barnes and Noble near the gym, and waiting for him reading a magazine.
Admittedly, in the wonderful insanity that is married life, not every tiff ends with smiles and passion tea at the bookstore. But the magic is in the willingness to look for the better side of that person with whom I chose to share my life. And also in me.
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Post CommentGustavo
On November 14, 2008 at 6:18 am
You should spend as much effort as possible on pre-kid communication. Ultimately an open line of communication is what will keep you sane once children arrive. By communication, I mean real expression of intent/desire and real listening for partner’s needs. It sounds like you are on the right track.
Laura Tamayo
On November 21, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Thanks. I’m definitely on board with working on us before adding to our little family. It’s harder to deal with when sleep deprived. ;-P
Gary Hare
On January 14, 2009 at 4:40 am
Hi Laura. I’m not married, but have got a girlfriend who seems keen on the idea on kids. Anyway, apart from her, you’re the only person to look at my stuff on triond so far. I thought I’d return the favour. It made me think. And thanks for commenting.
Laura Tamayo
On January 17, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@Gary: Thanks. Hopefully you’ll get more readers. You have interesting bits to share.
Tate Morgan
On February 21, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Laura nothing feels like a child to the heart,nothing brings two families together like a child.Children are our treasure on earth .Meant to be enjoyed while we live.
]Skipping along meter by meter.
We dance to life’s endless tune.
Singing and chanting around the fire.
Beneath the gaze of the Harvest Moon.
Passing the dreams of this generation.
Onto the next souls in our line.
We carry with us their undying love.
For a life sweet,gentle and divine..
Tate
This is the treasure they exude
Roots of Love:
There is something you should know.
No matter where you chose to go,
You’ll always be a part of me.
I am the roots – you are the tree.
So spread your limbs,reach for the sky.
Though seasons change, and leaves may die,
They bloom each spring with new glow.
For roots are strong and never go.
So be an oak, an ash, a fir;
A willow tree that breezes stir.
For no matter what you choose to be.
The roots are here beneath the tree.
Tate :
Laura Tamayo
On March 5, 2009 at 9:45 am
Nice poem. A bit of a non sequitur. But nice poem.
rajeev bhargava
On May 7, 2009 at 8:40 pm
i really enjoyed reading this and learnt new things aswell.