My understanding is that some people continually look in the wrong places even though they know that there is not going to be a good outcome. After all they say love is blind. Take a student who tells me that she happened to find a religious guy whom although shy said he wanted to meet a girl to create of life together. He wasn’t the guy to take an initiative and the girl in question was not someone who wanted to keep after him either. It looked like their encounter would not develop into anything substantial and sure enough it did not. Here is why.

Aside from the fact that there were certain preset conditions, which did not coincide, the girl thought that this man was sincere in his desire to create a life with a woman. Prior to that he had been living the life of Franciscan monk who accepted the vow of poverty. The girl had no problem with that, in fact she referred to him as someone who knew how to dress decently when in public as though to say he knew when to be in religious mode and when not to. She also said he was very affectionate towards her and wanted to create a family eventually. All this sounded very nice but then she had to consider that here was someone who would not show up to further “dates”. Had he realized then that married life would not be for him?

Further questioning by the girl revealed that here was an unwanted child who was never loved by his mother. He might have chosen some consolation through the church but he also revealed something very disturbing to her and his father. This is that he felt empty inside as though he could not love anybody. He also questioned why he was here, which I myself do philosophically speaking but his was more of an existential problem as though he had no right to live. How then could a person who thinks he has no right to live find happiness in a couple situation without tormenting the person who he supposedly loves? This is what I asked myself. I also asked myself how the girl could have believed he was sincere about wanting to create a new life for himself when she knew about his desperation.

Perhaps he was looking for an emotional outlet but clearly he has to love himself and accept the fact that people can love him even though he was mistreated in his childhood. She deserves respect from a person to say what he feels initially and can follow through with a balanced relationship.