Moving on

He sat there and he listen to every word I had to say. Not asking any questions, or making any comments. Only to tell me to go on Mom tell me. That is the day he found out what I had been through. And why I was having so many problems. When I was done telling him. I told him I needed him to understand that I loved him so much. But, That all I wanted anymore was for it all to end. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

My son looked at me and said I am so sorry Mom. And Yes now I understand. But I only have one favor to ask. And I said Ok. He said Just once will you let me help you get help. And if it don’t work then I will understand. I looked at my son: what a great young man he has grown to be. And all I could say was yes son I will try one more time for you.

He got out the phone book and found me someone to go see. And she was a god send. Between her and my Son. I was getting the help I so desperately needed. I had been going to her for months. We would cry and laugh together.I felt better, But the dreams kept coming. It was as if the more I relaxed the more dreams I had.

Then one night I was asleep, and my son and he date was in the living room. He said I got up screaming and ran into the living room screaming and crying. He tackled me and held me. Taking to me to calm me down. When I came to reality he was holding me saying Mom it is me, Your safe Mom. He sat there and held me till I was calm. And then helped me back to bed.

I felt like none of this was ever going to help me. Was I to far gone to be helped? I felt I had felled him. When I went to the Dr. that day I told her what happened and how I felt. With that I got up to walk out. And she said; You do that and He still wins. I stopped in my tracks. Turned and said what? Again she said; if you do what your going to HE STILL WINS.

Oh my God what she said hit me like a bat. And sent a chill down my spine. Those 3 words changed my life. She was so right. At that point I got angry, And I knew I was not letting him win. He killed the little girl I was, The teen I should have been, And the woman I should have become.

But what was left was all mine. I had a great Son that loved me for who I am. And even though he now knew the truth he still loved me. So I started fighting back with all I had left. And My son, he supported me in every thing I did. He always would ask me if I wanted to talk, how was my visit? He stayed involved, and that helped more then he will ever know.

Today I am a proud Mother of one of the Army’s Soldiers. I still have good days and bad days. But, Over all I have not let my Father win. I have moved on with my life and happy to say loving life. I am proud of who I have become, and I don’t take credit for who my son has become. I tell everyone we raised each other.

So please if you are like I was. And you feel there is no hope. Please get a little help, talk about it with someone you trust. And if you can face the people that didn’t help you I did. It was a great feeling to let them know they could not hurt me no more. But, don’t give up don’t let who hurt you win. Stand up and get help and become a winner yourself.